The Hall of WTF Part II

Yes, and there may even be a Part III. I have so many WTF entrants that I could pass them around like cheap party favors. So, to continue......

1. Pink ribbon crinkly paper at the plastic surgeon's office!*

Yes, that would be the plastic surgeon who did the breast reconstruction on Alert Reader Rachel, who took a picture of this and sent it in. This would have gone into the Shame category, except that she really likes her doctor - in spite of the fact that they've got this bizarre crinkly paper thing going on, AND all the doctors and nurses wear pink scrubs in the month of Pinktober.



I am befuddled. Do the women going into the breast surgeon's office for post-recon follow-up really need to be made more aware of BC? Is it really possible they'd forget why they're at that particular doctor? "Oh, you know, the new Boobages look so fantastic I forgot that they were chopped off in the first place! My bad!"

I'm thinking....not.

*Miss Tasha's brain is still not at its usual 112%, so apparently I misremembered and it was the BREAST surgeon's office, NOT the plastic surgeon! In other words, a place needing even less the pink-ribboned reminder......

2. Dry cleaning For The Cure





















As Faithful Reader T-Odd put it:

"I am all about curing The Cancer even if it means using products that cause cancer because cancer must be cured even if it means causing cancer."

Well said, T-Odd, well said.

3. The Pink Glove Dance thing

I'm sure it's probably just me, but I don't get this. First off, the vision of a lot of medical people dancing around in a not-too-jiggy-with-it manner while wearing pink gloves just strikes me as strange. Especially when they're nurses and technicians and what have you dancing around the operating room - where many of us have been all too often. I don't know, it just doesn't seem befitting to the gravity of the situation. You know, major surgery and all.


Plus I don't get what we're supposed to be made aware of. There's another video with a whole slew of Texas cheerleaders getting together - not the cheerleaders who look like they're doing a porn dance routine, but cheerleaders from over the years, all getting back together to do a cool dance using pink pompons and such. That's cool because it's well-choreographed and artistic. This pink-gloved shuffling around in scrubs - hmm. Just not seeing it.

3. Garden gnome, by Original PV


Huh?

4. Other random household and musical objects, also by Original PV









Scissors? A tambourine?? Really folks, we're just looking around and throwing a pink ribbon on whatever our eyes land upon, aren't we now.......

5. Bizarre pink bear robot


I don't know what this is either, but I think it proves my last point.

6. Medical stuff, by Natalie Gordon













The sparkly pink-beribboned sling and the pink rollator (as they call it) are bad enough. "Hey, so your bones are snapping underneath you because your BC has metastasized to your bones, but here's a pink-beribboned walker for you! Neat, huh?"

Yeah, that puppy would go flying out the window right quick.

But then there's this, the "Slanket Blanket with Sleeves." Which is annoying because isn't that just a whole bunch of redundancies right there? After all, what is a "slanket" but.....a blanket with sleeves!


Plus this charlatan of a website selling this crapola has a big announcement at the top of the page that "A portion of the proceeds will go to breast cancer awareness!" But there's no info anywhere on the website about how much or to whom. So basically the company is throwing a party for its employees, with someone walking around saying "Hey, be aware of breast cancer! Here's a discount coupon for our Slanket Blanket with Sleeves!"

Very shady, folks, very shady.

(to be continued)

Pinkapalooza cont. - the Hall of WTF

Oh, this is a category with SO many entrants! Certainly, there are things that can do double-duty in either the Hall of Shame or in WTF. But while these are astonishing in and of themselves, they don't quite have that underlying edge of "what were you assholes thinking?", hence their placement here.

Okay, enough blather. Onward.

1. Goddess of Love jeans


"This pair of Denim for Immortality Jeans come with pink Swarovski crystals on the back pockets. The price tag is $229 and fifty percent of the purchase will go to the the Young Survival Coalition."

Okay, it's great that they're donating money to YSC, my people, but.....$229? As in, not one of us with bills from, say, cancer, could actually afford these?

The name kind of sucks too. Immortality? We'd be happy to make it into something resembling a golden year.

2. Speed bumps For The Cure


".....a campaign that draws a parallel between the bumps felt on breasts and the road bumps. A sign is placed after the pink-striped road bump with the message “Felt the bump? Have your breasts checked” and the hospital name."

I....I...oh, never mind. Just, never mind. Picture me shaking my head here.



3. The ugliest hat in creation, For The Cure

"It’s nice to see that fashion designers are joining celebrities such as Christina Applegate, Amy Winehouse and Jennifer Aniston in spreading awareness and raising funds for breast cancer. Renowned hat designer Philip Treacy has created a special hat, The Pink Knot Hat, in support of Breast Cancer Care in collaboration with Selfridges’ Pinkridges campaign.

The stylish Pink Knot Hat uses the trademark breast cancer pink ribbon in a “fuchsia pink fly away bow.”"

Seriously? I mean, it's not just me, right? This thing is insanely ugly, yes?

Yeah, I didn't think it was just me.

4. Kinky Crochet for Cancer

"Shannon Gerard sells crocheted boobs and penises that have little lump inside to teach the public how to check their private parts for cancer. Called Early Detection Kit, it contains either a boob or a penis and an accompanying booklet that teaches men and women how to perform monthly self-examinations."

The crocheted peni are called "dinks" btw, in case you were wondering. I know you were.

5. The pink stenograph For The Cure, by Lisa Mala

Yep, a stenograph, i.e. one of those machines used by court reporters. In court. For trials and depositions.

Somehow I can't really imagine someone rolling this puppy into the court to take down testimony for, say, a grisly murder trial.....but hey, what do I know? Maybe that'll just help the victim's family feel more Hopeful and Inspired.

6. The airport terminal For The Cure, by Kristin Fanczalski

Another early front-runner, and who can blame me? Kristin took these photos at the American Airlines counter at O'Hare, braving the strange looks people were giving her. Or maybe they too were looking askance at the disco ball hanging from the ceiling (whee, cancer! Par-tay time!), or the pink ribbon wreath that looks a bit funereal, or maybe just ALL the decorations that truly look like the people who did this were on heavy heavy medication. Or drugs. Or both.

7. Rubber duckies, by faithful ST reader Original PV

I don't get these ducks. At all. One has a pink eye patch, another has a pink ribbon and eye decorations, the third is pink with flowers. Okay, I kind of like that one - but I still dont' get it.

8. Skeevy lid collecting, where alert reader Don goes for PT

Okay, it's yucky enough that an individual would collect those yucky little lids and throw them in all their stickiness into an envelope - but here, does that duty fall to someone who works there? "So, umm, hey Peter, I'm going to need you to come in this weekend to wash off all these lids that random people have licked, dry them, then send them off to the Yoplait people for mere pennies. You don't mind, right."

9. A truck for.....something, For The Cure, by tigerchik

I have no idea what this truck is about, or what they're delivering. but they're in pink, so I guess that makes it okay.

10. Bubblewrap For The Cure

I include this here because I'm annoyed that everyone saw the damn Pink Bubblewrap but me! J'accuse! What the hell would one use this for anyway? "Hmm, I'm going to wrap this little knit cap that I made for Sharon, to put on her bald head after chemo, in this cheerful pink ribbon bubble wrap paper. You know, to remind her to Fight! And to Be Aware!"

To be continued....

Pinkapalooza Time.....

Okay, okay, I know, it's already November 4th, and I have yet to post the Pinkapalooza Contest winners. Quite frankly, I've been a little overwhelmed with all the entrants - so much Pinkishness. So much crap. So much to offend.

But be that as it may, there are Fuck Cancer hats to distribute! I may have to come up with new categories so that I can give out more than just the one FC hat per grouping - but hey, it's my contest, I get to make the rules.

Anyway. I still have to go back and add some entries to the Hall of Fame category, but let's start out with some for the Hall of Shame - and again, this isn't complete, but I have to start somewhere.

So, without further ado: Hall of Shame entries in this year's Pinkapalooza Contest!

1. Cheese on sale, by Jen H-S


I know, you're thinking....cheese? How can cheese, of all things, be offensive? Well, the fact that this was sent in MID-OCTOBER, i.e. with Pinktober not even halfway through, and already they're putting the Cheese For The Cure on sale! WTH? That's like saying that those of us With Cancer aren't worth full-price. Like we're a mere fraction of a person.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

2. Pink alcohol For The Cure


Again, how many times do I have to repeat this simple fact: alcohol kills. Oh, I know that sounds all melodramatic and shit, but I'm actually serious about this, especially for those who already HAVE breast cancer. A mere 3 drinks a week raises your chance of a recurrence dramatically. So what the hell, are these companies trying to kill us here? I mean, I like a good mai tai as much as the next person, but i don't pretend that it's not really really bad for me. And I sure as hell don't try to make money off of it.

3. Again with the Boobies crap


Again folks - this is 2nd grade stuff here! Boobies indeed.

4. Cows For The Cure


Oops, sorry, we're not actually cows - this window just seems to be suggesting that. You know, that as women our only purpose in life is to churn out milk for the erstwhile offspring, that many young women with BC can no longer have, thanks to The Cancer and all.

5. Tinkled Pink??


Seriously, who comes up with this shit?? Oh wait, I know - it's everyone favorite corporate whor....umm, I mean, charitable organization, Komen. Of course! Let's let them describe this themselves, because quite frankly, I'm at a loss.

"Komen Race for the Cure potties are decorated by teams, groups of friends, school groups or anybody that wants to show the world they are Tinkled Pink to find a cure for breast cancer.

For only $50, you can decorate a port-a-potty to be on display in Vinoy Park on Race day! Display your individual name, business name, or organization on one of the 50 port-a-potties that are brought in for this event. A great gift for the person who has everything, a great way to advertise your business, or just shout out greetings for friends, family, even race opponents!"

Really, stinky Porta Potties For The Cure?Is there nothing that you Komen people won't do to add money to your coffers? Oh wait, don't answer that, because here we have this:

6. Yes, a Pink Porta-Potty For The Cure, by Karin Langer

We'll just let this one speak for itself.

7. Breast Cancer CDs - yes, you read that right

Let's hear the explanation for THIS little gem:

"When the double CD is open, it shows the place for two CDs, but one is missing (representing a breast lost to cancer) and another, painted in a color to represent the healthy one...."

Gee, thanks. There's a gaping black abyss to represent a woman who's lost her breast, in contrast with perky and happy over on the right. Am I the only one who sees this as a problem??

8. One-breasted mannequins

Okay, when I found this early on, I thought that this would be THE winner, because it's so damn offensive, especially when you read the explanation for it:

"This effective breast cancer awareness campaign....saw a one-breasted mannequin placed at lingerie and swimwear boutique, Bare Essentials. This is a very creative, high impact campaign in the fight against breast cancer.....(where) seeing a mannequin with one breast, which represents a post-mastectomy female, would hammer the message home that not having their breasts examined regularly can lead to tragic consequences."

Tragic? TRAGIC?? So now those of us with The Cancer are being held up as a dire warning of (cue scary music) what could happen to you......so beware!

Who comes up with this shit? The women I know with BC are not "tragic" in any way - they wear their scars proudly, as I do, they're bold and fearless, and they have awesome fucking boobs. So fuck off, you one-breasted mannequin you, and go take your "tragic consequences" elsewhere.

Umm, okay, methinks maybe Miss Tasha should go enjoy one of those cancer-causing alcoholic beverages before she continues.

Plenty more to come though, kids! Needless to say, there are MANY entries for the Hall of WTF.....

Quote of the day

On Facebook:

Arlyn: Check out the picture I posted on my wall!
Tasha: Ooh, this is awesome! Someone saw the pink reindeer actually set up IN the store, and I was going to put that in the Hall of WTF category - but this will go up too. And what the heck is next to it in the pic? The Komen ribbon on a stick???
Arlyn: You can never have too many Komen Ribbons on a stick!

It’s not about the Ta-Tas

Save the Ta-Tas. Save 2^nd base. Save the boobies. All phrases I’m sure we’ve heard a million times within the context of breast cancer, yet whenever I hear them, my first thought is always this.

Are we all still in 2^nd grade here, people??

I mean seriously, “boobies”? 2^nd base? Do actual adults ever use these words in conversation? “So I was doing my breast exam the other day, and I found a lump in one of my boobies.”

Let’s just acknowledge that the correct terms are along the lines of breasts, boobs, or best of all, Boobages.™

Next, we get to the real problem. The fact that any and all of these slogans, campaigns, what have you , are totally missing the fucking point. Do the prostate cancer folks worry about saving the balls? Are there little bracelets all over the place with “Save the Balls!” printed on them? No. That would be a no.

Because it’s not about the balls, or boobies, or what have you. It’s about our lives at stake here, and I think most of us would tell you that that’s a hell of a lot more important than the aesthetics of the thing.

As in, if I were told tomorrow that the only chance of saving my life would be to have both of my boobs gone, yes, I’d be pissed off, but I wouldn’t actually have to think about it, weigh the pros and cons, what I should do. It’s not much of a decision to make, now is it.

So why is the emphasis on just the outward appearance part of things? On the sex object aspect of it? Isn’t “2^nd base” the term guys in high school use? So why are people using that term as if all that matters is to preserve for the guys something that gives them pleasure? What the hell is that all about?

Don’t get me wrong – when I was first told my only choice for dealing with The Cancer was a mastectomy, I was devastated. Crushed. Gnashed my teeth and wailed. And found better doctors who were a bit more cutting edge in their thinking, no pun intended. And I’m disgusted that here we are so many years into all this money being poured into breast cancer research and treatment – supposedly – and yet the treatments are essentially still the same: slash and burn. That’s bullshit. Losing your breasts is a huge deal.

But it’s not the biggest deal.

Our lives matter more.

All of this is to explain my new slogan that my friend and artist Jennifer Pick has helped me put on a t-shirt. One that sums up my sentiments perfectly:

No, this isn’t one of my many famous get-rich schemes. Would that it were – but these t-shirt designer websites, while wonderfully awesome and convenient – do not give you the designer much of an actual cut of anything. Which is fine. I really just wanted to get the word out, about where I think our priorities should be.

Which is here: saving our lives.

Because in case anyone didn't realize it......we’re dying out here.

Boo!

The internet can be a beautiful thing. Oh sure, sometimes it doesn’t seem that way, when we’re all subjected to the hatred-filled rantings of a POS like Clint McCance, the school board Trustee who wrote horrible things about gay people (and students in particular) on his Facebook page.

But you know, back in the olden days, a POS like that would go on his way unscathed, content in his bigoted spewings, making the lives of gay kids miserable if ever he had the chance.

However, now we’re in a bright and shiny new era, where any crap like that that you write on FB? Yeah, it gets forwarded and reposted until the next thing you know, there’s a 70,000 person strong Fire Clint McCance page on FB, and then your sorry ass is on Anderson Cooper, where you’re skewered like you deserve, and you find yourself resigning, though thanks to Google, your name will always be in the public memory bank. Thank you Google.

But where was I? Oh yeah. The internets. Anyway, my point being that in the process of the Pinkapalooza contest, I wound up with a winning entry submitted by Original PV on Slowtwitch – an entry that’ll be revealed over the next couple of days. But I also wound up corresponding with a really cool guy, who’s dealt enough with the fucking cancer with his family and friends, and who I’m proud to call a friend.

Especially since he carved this, just for me:

Happy Halloween, Ryan! And I’m sending a hearty “Fuck Cancer!” to your grandmother and your roommate’s mom as well. When I meet up with my CancerChick friends in Philly in a couple of weeks for a conference, we’ll be raising a hearty toast to both of them, and to you and all those who love them…..

I know, I know.......

I fully realize that there are numerous questions roiling around the Blogosphere: will Tasha be cured by month's end? Just how bad can the Pinkapalooza stuff get? Is Charlie Sheen the biggest fuckup to walk the face of this earth or what?

And of course the key question: WHO will win the Pinkapalooza contest??

To which I say: patience, young grasshoppers, patience.

Because I know this is hard to believe - I find it hard to believe too - but once in a great while Miss Tasha must needs put her talents to work not in the way she'd wish, aka in entertaining her fifteens of readers in BlogLand, but rather in actually getting some work done. That's the point I'm at right now, needing to finish some work before the epic posting of Inspirational Pink Shit recommences.

I actually do have a number of additional entries that go into the Hall of Fame category, but fear not, the next posts will focus on the Hall of Shame, and then the Hall of WTF. Because some things just can't wait.

To tide you all over in the meantime, behold:


Now, I know what you're all thinking. You're asking yourselves, WTF, are those pasties? Like, the things that go over nipples?? In the shape of pink ribbons, with glitter and all?

The answer to that would be yes. Or, as the company that makes this horror puts it:

"These couture breast cancer nipple pasties are the perfect emblem for younger women who are becoming more conscious about issues pertaining to breast cancer. They are also perfect for a little fun!"

I have to admit, I don't get either part of this, the "becoming more conscious" or "perfect for a little fun." How the hell are pasties going to make you more aware of BC, just because they're in the shape of a fricking ribbon?? And fun? Under what conditions would one actually wear these? Doing a striptease for your husband, say, after reconstruction? Except oops, you haven't had the nipple recon yet.

Again, I just say, WTF.

And think about it - these aren't even a real frontrunner in the Hall of Shame category. I know, it boggles the mind.....

The Pinkapalooza Project

So my little blog that’s sweeping the nation has been inundated with pictures of Pinkishness from every corner of the globe. Pinktober literally has it all. Cheerleaders! Snack foods! Sugary beverages! Office supplies! Did I mention the cheerleaders??? Oh yeah, I think I did.

But that’s not what today is about. Nope. Today, we start putting forth images of some of the billions of items of pink crap – I mean, Inspiring Messages of Hope – that are out there in Pinktober, and hopefully not at any other time of year. Well, except for some of them, which are too cute for words, and which I want, desperately (have I mentioned that I’m so not above being bribed? I think I have.). So to sum it up, we have three categories for the Pinkapalooza contest.

The Hall of Fame: the cute Pinkishness stuff that any sane person would want to add to their collection

The Hall of Shame: the stuff that’s so insulting that it calls for an outraged letter or two, or just a blog-based smear campaign

The Hall of WTF: the stuff that’s so bizarre and inexplicable that the people who came up with it must have been on very heavy psychotropic medication, for years

We’ve already had some of the entrants on here – who can forget the Glowsticks, generously doled out by Dr. Fine’s office, aka the Plastic Surgeons to the Stars? And then there was the Delta Flight Attendant Horror, burpling elbow flesh and all. So those won’t be repeated here, but certainly, they’re still in the running. Right now we’re focusing on new entrants.

And so, without further ado, and in no particular order, we start with the latest Hall of Fame entrants:

1. Turtles for the Cure, by Jennifer P.

Imagine my delight and surprise when I received the following in the mail one day:

Yes, chocolatey-caramely-nutty goodness, also known as Turtles! And even better, festooned with those cheerful pink ribbons. Hell, I don’t care what they festoon it with – it’s chocolate. Sent by my dear friend Jennifer Pick, a college roommate who paints the most amazing artwork that will get its own blog post soon. But in the meantime, it can be said about Jennifer that she understands the concept of “Tasha likes free stuff.”

2. Harmoneeeeeeeeeeee, by Alert Reader Jen H-S

Of course, my first thought upon seeing this was to ask, WTH? Is this a cartoon character? What the heck exactly is a Harmonee?

Then I learned the following:

Every year since 2001, Chevron has presented a Special Edition Chevron Car to raise awareness about finding a cure for breast cancer. This year, Chevron is proud to introduce Harmonee, the 10th edition in a long line of Special Edition Chevron Car designed to raise awareness about finding a cure for breast cancer. Harmonee reminds us that a cheerful nature and willingness to help can go a long way to help support those fighting against breast cancer.

Chevron and your local dealer are proud to contribute all net proceeds from the sale of this special edition toy car to promote the early detection of breast cancer. The folks at Chevron thank you for your purchase of Harmonee.

And then the only thought in my head was this: WANT. Especially since the cheerfulness of little Harmoneeee will give me, the Cancerous, all kind of Hope in my fight against BC. Just like a shiny Mylar balloon, squeaking away, so too will Harmonee spur me to fight on. Courage.

3. Liverwurst for the Cure, also by Jen H-S

Fountain Hills, AZ is apparently ground zero for all sorts of Pinkishness, the kinds of things that those of us here in the Midwest aren’t privy to. I guess the stores here are anti-Cure or something, because *I* sure don’t see anything like this at MY deli:

What’s especially touching about this is the juxtaposition of the Boar’s Head For The Cure balloon, by the one for chicken breasts. Brilliant, just brilliant.

4. Real chips For The Cure, Jen H-S

Jen has been a one-woman Pinkishness-seeking-out machine! So we have her to thank for this:

Yes, finally some REAL fucking chips For The Cure! None of that baked crap that’s all healthy and shit. Hey, we have cancer, we’re not nuns here, okay? Give us the damn Fritos and no one will get hurt.

Oh, did I mention that the cancer drugs make us all surly, hence the name FatSurly for Tamoxifen? Just thought I’d mention that, in case anyone had forgotten.

5. Ativan dispenser, by Deanna Doohaluk

At least I *think* it’s Ativan, or some other kind of good drug. Otherwise, what’s the point?

6. Balloons everywhere, by Jen H-S

I really hope I wind up in the hospital for something very minor at some point, maybe an additional adjustment to the Boobages, just so that there’s the opportunity for someone to bring me one of these:

Shiny happy Mylar balloons, in the shape of a pink ribbon no less! What could be more cheerful and hopeful? Not much I tell you, not much….

7. The pink face huggie

I can only say one thing about this: WANT!

8. The White House

Apparently the Obamas are For The Cure – I’m sure that’s because they’re Democrats. I don’t recall the Bush White House doing anything like this, hmm….??

9. Lourdes

Hey, I'm no fool - you think I'm going to be making snarky comments about the People upstairs? When I already have cancer and stuff? Uh uh....

10. Pink Post-its

I LOVE these! In fact, I truly think the lack of Pinkishness Post-its in every household is one of the key reasons that we’re thus far not even the tiniest bit close to a cure. People forget about it! But if they had these, well, imagine the possibilities. “Note to self: Discover Cure Today!” See what a difference that could make?

11. Yoplait lids by TigerChik

You’ve gotta admire the dedication to licking those yucky little lids and throwing their sticky little selves into an envelope for some prison inmate on work release to open. Anything For The Cure though, right?

12. Kona for the Cure

Obviously I’ve been the one slacking off here. Off to buy a doggy coat AND a pink ribbon collar!

13. Pink food tray, by Arlyn

Again, want! How much more festive can one be than serving guests from a pink ribbon food tray?? I don’t know what the heck one would use these for, for what occasion, but maybe they’re all purpose, all the time. Christmas, Easter, post-mastectomy, you name it!

14. AndyBoy produce, by Randymar

I love this. Not only do we have the guys on Slowtwitch taking pictures of produce, but look at that logo! AndyBoy looks a little “special”, does he not? Like one of the Little Rascals, i.e. the one who got locked up in the attic and kept away from sharp objects? Most excellent….

15. Boobages tea cozies, by Mojozenmaster

Not sure if these are meant to keep the Boobages all snuggly and warm, or if they’re actually for tea. But in either case I say, tally ho!

* * * * * * * * *

There’s much much more, kids, but we’ll leave it here for now. Next up we’ll have the really interesting stuff, i.e. things that go into either the Hall of Shame or Hall of WTF category. Not to be missed……