Saturday, September 6, 2014

My Schleprockian Surgery

The surgery went fine, in its usual fashion. As is my curmudgeonly way, I brought homemade preserves from the JCoT for the nurses, they adored me and gave me hugs when I left, and as I was partaking in witty banter with my doctor they put that damn mask over my mouth WAY too early. I can never figure out why that happens.

The most momentous part of the day was early in the AM, when of course I needed to take Kone for his daily constitutional, aka walkie, at the crack of dawn since I had to leave the house so early.

“So just a brisk walkie today, Kone Kone,” I warned him. “No nonsense, out and back.”

Two seconds later, as we were still just walking down my driveway, a Stupid Cat bolted in front of us, causing Kone great consternation, manifesting itself in him almost pulling my arm out of my socket and just about causing me to do a face-plant. Okay fine, I think, we got that happy bullshit out of the way, so the rest of the walkie will be uneventful.

Two seconds later another Stupid Cat. Fine. Fine!

Then two squirrels. A dog barking at us. And then, of course, a deer. On the freaking sidewalk – a huge buck just standing there about half a block away looking at us, for all the world looking like he belongs on a postcard for the PNW. Seriously? I say that to him  - “Seriously?”

Luckily, Kone is still happily preoccupied chuffing at an acorn or something (this is the national nut of Oregon according to my mom), so he doesn’t see Mr. Buck yet. I do the logical thing of course – I glare at the deer. “Shoo!” He stares at me. I stare at him. A stalemate.

Luckily, just as Kone has finished his acorn chuffing, the deer ambles off, slowly, Kone none the wiser. Whew. We hustle ourselves on home before skunkie decides to make an appearance. Needless to say, that comes later…..

Next up, when I’m not on a boat that charges an insane amount of money to get online: the actual skunkie at The Manor, cruising in Alaska, and oh yeah that IVF stuff and a testament to how much my IVF clinic adores me. Coming soon to a boat near you!