I admit I’ve been on a pretty long
taper – or, as I call it, “sitting on my fat lazy ass for way too long.” SOMFLA
for short. But now it’s time to take the bull by the reins and forge ahead
blindly and recklessly, as I’m wont to do.
But first, I need to impart a few life
lessons from my most amazing recent trip to Costa Rica with
SuperCancerChickFriend Cori. To wit:
Animals are smart. There we were
driving along to Arenal, when we spied by the side of the road some kind of
animal loping along, making his way to his burrow across the road. As one does
in such countries, we came to a sudden screeching halt.
Me: Hey look! An animal of some sort
loping along! What do you think it is?
SCCF Cori: I have no idea. A
monkey? No. It looks like a big raccoon. Omg, it’s coming towards the car!
Here, I’ll throw it some chips!
As the enraged
(curious) animal is making its way towards us menacingly (curiously, and as if
he’s done this before), Cori tosses out a few chips, which stops the chupacabra
(coatimundi) dead in its tracks. Apparently the love of chips is universal. We
ooh and aah over the beastie for a little while longer, and then drive on.
Whereupon not 5
minutes later we see a sign on the side of the road, which clearly has a
picture of said animal, with a slash through it, saying “do not feed.”
Me: So basically our little friend made
his home RIGHT before the sign that says to not feed him.
SCCF Cori: Smart guy.
Me: Indeed.
* * * * * * * * *
Miss Tasha is an idiot. SCCF Cori and I are
on a night tour, hoping to see cougars and tree frogs and monkeys and possibly
some kangaroos. Hope springs eternal and all that. Our guide is lovely, and is
pointing out all the flora and fauna in the rain forest, from industrious leaf
cutter ants to shampoo flowers to…..
Ana: So this is a small fruit (holds up
pod the size of a large grape), and when it’s ripe, the seeds inside smell like
coffee. (breaks it open to show us)
Me: Oh neat! So does one actually use it
for anything?
Ana: No, it’s really just
ornamental…..wait, what are you doing?
Me: I’m tasting it to see if it tastes
like coffee of course.
SCCF Cori: Okay, so ONE of us
is an intrepid experienced explorer who’s been all over the world in every kind
of situation, and the other is an idiot who tries random things from the jungle
to see what they taste like. Oh wait, they’re the same person!
I pulled this same
stunt a couple of days later when SCCF Cori and I were doing a daytime tour of
the cloud forest, and our guide pointed out something on the ground that “could be a passionfruit, but who really
knows?”
Me: So I can take it with us for us to
try?
Julio: Oh sure, haha!
Julio: Wait, what are you doing?
Me: Umm, taking it with us of course.
I was thwarted in
this attempt too, dammit. Just what DOES one have to do to face down a possibly
deadly tropical ailment??
Anyway. With the fun and games of Costa
Rica over, I decided it was finally time to do something about the impending
Ragbrai, beyond just dusting off my bicycle and getting it tuned up. Fine first
steps as it were, but a tad insufficient on their own.
Thus, I’ve mapped out a detailed
Ramping Up process, which starts out at a short 6 miles a day, then basically
doubles every day. According to my mathy (ahem) Wharton skills, this will have
me biking 3,042 miles a day by the time Ragbrai rolls around. That should be
enough, but we’ll see if I have to tinker with that a bit.
As we all know, I’m a finely honed
athletic individual, so I wouldn’t suggest trying this at home, folks. I will
report back.
