Monday, August 17, 2009

Dear Chicago Blackhawks: WTF??

Tickets for the Chicago Blackhawks were going on sale this morning, and since Deanna and I were shut out of getting some kind of ticket package, we decided we’d take our chances on the open market – meaning we’d try to get tickets through BloodsuckerTicketmaster rather than paying scalpers. All of which has me shaking my head anyway, wanting to pummel all the Johnny-come-lately wannabes who are only NOW deciding they like hockey. Where were they all those years when you could hear crickets at the UC? When I could easily pick out my friend “Stan” sitting in a separate section from me and wave to him....because he was the ONLY ONE in that entire section? Literally, the only one. On the 200-level, no less.

So we weren’t sure which games we wanted to go to, but we did know that we wanted to go again this year to the Fuck Cancer game they have in October. Oh sure, that’s not what they call it exactly – last year’s slogan for the Hawks was “Hockey Fights Cancer Awareness!” – though it’s close enough. But I had no idea which game that was going to be, and it wasn’t on their website – so I did the foolish thing. Yes, I emailed one of their ticket guys. Response? Nada. Since time was a wastin’, I went to their website and picked out 6 other people to email, all in marketing, community relations, ticket-related stuff, etc.

Now mind you, I wasn’t asking for free tickets or anything, or to be hosted in their executive suite, like the Hated Redwings did for their local breast cancer contingent last year. (Though I did have a brilliant idea – that if the Hawks did that this year, their new slogan could be “Hockey Welcomes Cancer!”) No sirree, I just wanted to know which damn game it would be – is that so fricking hard? I didn’t even mention that October would be (hopefully) post-Rackotomy time, so I’d be sporting the new cleavage and oh, by the way, would be more than happy to whack a puck for the Sisterhood in the Kid, the Geek, the Bimbo shoot-the-puck game that they do between the 2nd and 3rd periods. Nope, didn’t mention that at ALL.

(Okay, so maybe I did mention that this year the MLB had a contest whereby women with breast cancer could apply to be a bat girl for one game, which I know about because a couple of women from YSC won and had a great time, and maybe I did mention that I'd make a great stick-taper or water-bottle-filler or whatever the equivalent would be. But that's all.)

And granted, it’s not like the Hawks last year actually did anything for this game, not like the Hated Redwings, who in addition to hosting my people, also had a lottery for people who came to the game wearing pink, and a prize for the best pink outfit. For the Hawks game, Deanna, Jillian and I were pretty much on our own, so we smuggled in pink-foiled candy, drank somewhat-pink mai tais, and yelled “Detroit sucks!” a lot even though I think they were playing Edmonton. Pretty much the usual, in other words.

AND, you’d think that the Hawks would be at least slightly trying to suck up to their fan base, what with all the dumbass things they’ve managed to do lately. From unceremoniously dumping the beloved Dale Tallon, to almost screwing up the contracts, to thinking the Hossa injury wouldn’t get out (note to Hawks: you might want to check out that thing called “The Internet” sometime soon – yeah, nothing’s a secret anymore, ever), to jacking up ticket prices. I won’t get into the whole Patrick Kane thing, because he’s always seemed like a nice kid, and if a cab driver had locked ME in his cab, I so would have gone ballistic on his sorry ass, so who am I to judge? But anyway - maaaybe you’d want to at least pretend to give a shit about fans who have been loyal for years? Maybe?

Or maybe not. Because I didn’t hear from any one of the Hawks people. Nothing. Not even the courtesy of an email reply noting that they don't know yet what game that is, or that all the tickets are already gone because they've been comped to the WWF (which makes no sense, until I tell you that for last year's shootout, they had WWF people!), or simply a cheery missive telling me to fuck off, that they're currently at their quota of fans and can accept no more. So Deanna and I got tickets for a bunch of games this morning, willy-nilly (with the accompanying “screw you” by Ticketmaster, which charges $10 PER TICKET in service fees – POS bastards!), and I did get a game in October so I think I’ll just make that my own personal Fuck Cancer game. You know, wearing the F&ck Awareness, Find a Cure t-shirt, and making Deanna wear my pink “Survivor” hat from last year’s Race for the Cure (Not), which is the ugliest thing in creation, but she seems to like it. So that’s all well and good, but it does make me wonder about the Blackhawks and why they never responded to me, CancerGirl (picture me here making the Sad Cancer Face). Are they FOR cancer? Is that it? Et tu, Blackhawks, et tu?


Roadie in Vancouver said...

Hilarious!!!! I would call Stan Mikita if I were you.

t-odd said...

Yes! Call Stan! He'll kick some ass and take some names. Are any of those games against the Wild? That would be a sure win for the Hawks.

Molly said...

I can only assume it's because they are too busy trying to figure out how to spin the Patrick Kane thing and make it look like that cabbie had it coming to him...

D said...

Et tu? Is that some goofy American attempt at French?

I dunno what t-odd is talking about. I fucking HATE the Wild, but they don't suck. Trap playing assholes.

ellen said...

i mean, not to be a copycat, but


Last Thursday was my LAST DAY

and you were no where to be seen!

Chicago Garden said...


I found your blog after reading your comment on Gina's about the tomato contest.

Then I came here and laughed my ass off. That t-shirt is awesome.