Based on the number of people on FB who actually repost
those annoying Upworthy links, I’ve decided that they’re the key to catapulting
my readership into the thirties of fans. So, next up: The Reasons Why Will Shock You, What Came Next Will Amaze
You, and The First Three Sentences of This Blog Post Will Surprise You - The
Fourth Will Change Your World.
You read it here first.
Anyway. I’m in an annoying state of limbo at the moment. I
had hoped to start IVF in August, but my hysteriosalpingoramamagram (smartly
just called the HSG test by the docs) showed that I have a uterine polyp (thanks Tamoxifen!) that
needs to be taken care of before I can start IVF. The worst part of this is not
just that I then have to wait 30 days after the hysteroscopy to remove it
before I can do IVF, but more so
that I have to actually say the word polyp. I fricking hate that word. Oh sure, I know some people have
issues with words like “moist” or “slacks,” but they’ve got nothing on the word
polyp. Yuck. I refuse to
use it, and so, henceforth, because we’re really just talking about an annoying
bunch of cells/tissue that are probably/hopefully not cancerous, I shall use
the word clumpie to refer to said polyp.
So. Once I get Clumpie taken care of, onward it is. Speaking
of words, I find it interesting how those of my friends who know what’s going
on (which is all of them at this point) couch everything in such delicate
terms. No one exactly asks anything along the lines of “So, how it’s going with
the random invasive procedures and painfully shooting yourself up with
fertility drugs and then dealing with the foolishly optimistic highs followed
rapidly by debilitating and soul-crushing lows all while POASing even though
you know there’s no chance in hell of success, all as you ponder your rapidly dwindling
bank account?”
No, it’s more like “So! How are – you know – ‘things’
going?” With sufficient emphasis on the word “things” and a meaningful raising
of eyebrows.
I tend to respond with equal vagueness. “Oh, well, same old,
same old. Nothing new.” Because what else is there to say?
And I have yet to actually utter the words “sperm donor” – rather, it’s
just “the donor,” as if I’m talking about someone who bequeathed millions to
the Daughters of the Revolution. Because it’s just all so…unseemly, really. I’m
a modest person as it is, and would rather we all just pretend that I’m
preparing for a visit from a stork. Storkie. Yes, that’s it.
That’s how “things” are at the moment. Waiting sucks, because I waver between
thinking:
·
hey, surely this’ll work on the first try!
·
or, what the fuck am I thinking, stuff like this
never works out for me.
Followed by the vision of me and
The Kone surrounded by cats, many many cats, yelling at kids to get off our
lawn.
So there’s that.
1 comment:
Of all the people you know, I am the absolute least qualified person to understand what you are going through. I'd be the person asking the very vague "How are things?" because I have no capacity to offer any comfort. Not only have I never wanted to have kids, I'm adopted. So yeah, the antithesis of a helpful perspective.
That doesn't mean I don't care about what you are going through and want to "do something" but I speak a very different language on this subject.
I am cheering you on and hope you beat all the odds. You are a tough bitch so you have better odds than the Drs give you credit for.
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