Thursday, January 29, 2015

Doctor fail, again

Recently I started IVF cycle #2, and of course, who should I come across again during ultrasound #2 but That One. Yes, the doctor of “you only have 4 follicles sucks to be you old person” fame. Who will henceforth be known as Dr. Magoo, because that’s slightly nicer than the equally appropriate Dr. Dream Crusher.
Anyway, the US went about as planned. Dr. Magoo clearly had no idea what she was talking about, obviously not accustomed to dealing with someone of my greatness and amazing Ukrainian peasant stock ovaries. Nor familiar with our vernacular that Miss Tasha has become known for at ORM.
Dr. Magoo: Hmm, on the left here, it looks like we have some kind of cyst…
Most Awesome Nurse Tech Helper Person pipes up: Oh, that’s Short Bus!
Me: Yep, Short Bus, the cyst that won’t go away, but isn’t bothering anything or anyone, and has been there for some 7 years now.
Dr. Magoo: Well we’ll just keep measuring it to make sure it doesn’t grow.

Then, the typical, which is what happens when a person is semi-blind;
Dr. Magoo: Okay, so on the left…looks like 5-6 follicles.
Me: Okay.
Dr. Magoo: Then on the right…….one plus maybe four.
Me: What? Dr. B. saw around 6 good ones!
Dr. Magoo: Yes but they’re small.
Me: So do you think they’ll rally?
Dr. Magoo, after a long pause: ………no.

I leave in a shit mood, but then remind myself that Dr. Magoo is partially blind and not mathy, and if it were up to her, I’d probably leave egg retrieval minus two ovaries. “I count negative two!” That makes me feel better, knowing that it’s just her. Never me.
Luckily, for my next appointment I have my Most Awesome Dr. B. again, and she’s not semi-blind or math-challenged.
Dr. B.: Okay, so……I’m seeing from 4-5 follicles on each side, but some are on the smaller side. It’s looking like we’ll get 6-9 mature eggs total.
Me: So what I’m hearing you say is that it looks like we’ll get 15.
Dr. B: But…
Me: 15.
Dr. B: ……okay…..sure.
Me: If you can dream it , you can achieve it! That’s my mantra, along with all that stuff from The Secret. No wait, I’m totally bullshitting you – I hate all that stuff.
Dr. B: Oh whew, because I think that’s a bunch of crap too.
Me: Right? Like if you just think of something happening, it’ll happen. Pshaw.
Dr. B: That’s the thing. That book will tell you to, say, hang an inspiring picture of a fit person on the refrigerator, if you want to get in shape. Then you and I know that you use that to motivate you to go out and exercise and eat right . The book skips out on that whole second part!
Me: Total garbage!

We beam at each other in total agreement, me secure in the knowledge that we’ll be getting 15 eggs at egg retrieval. Dr. B. wouldn’t let me down.

Next up: Surgery Day!

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