We have become fugitives.
The Directorate has decreed the closure of additional spaces, thanks to the dotardian elements who did not heed the social distancing dictates. (We have added them to The List, ie for expedited vaporization.) This morning at our usual walk/sniffie spot (aka the “Coyote Walk”), there was a new sign saying the park was closed. We are certain this was referring to the actual multi-acre preserve with trails rather than the small adjacent field we traverse, but we are taking no chances and will be army crawling our way through the fields to avoid detection.
We had not heard back from the Matriarch and were concerned. As we were preparing to storm the hospital, she contacted us, sounding horrible and feeling terrible. The flowers we brought yesterday were rejected, but cards are deemed acceptable. Should anyone care to send cards, with carefully coded messages referring to The Resistance, she is at St. John’s Pleasant Valley Hospital, 2309 Antonio Ave., Camarillo, CA, 93010, Rm, 217.
The world has gone mad.
12003.9 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
The Matriarch has some kind of infection, “they” say. Yet they know not what it is, and so are giving her antibiotics as she worsens. We are skeptical. We have devised a plan to get to the truth of the matter: tomorrow we will float a scientific balloon up to her window, with a subtle coded message on it such as “ARE YOU BEING KEPT PRISONER?” or “THROW APPLE JUICE AT THE WINDOW IF YOU NEED RESCUE.” We are quite sure no one will suspect anything, as the balloons are equally subtle.
Our familiar Hospital Guy was back at his station today, pleased to receive today’s tribute of Treasonous Tartan Tayberry. I was allowed to walk right up to the desk; soon, free reign will be mine, mine!
District 7 of CalCascadia continues to be shut down. Kingsly and I are left with smaller areas to patrol, but remain vigilant. Tonight he barked ferociously at the balloons, suspecting nefarious intentions, and rightly so. In our new Dystopian Thunderdome, no one can be trusted.
Well, except for the Pillow Guy. Glory be that he has come to save us!
12003.10 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
We have received welcome good news in the District: the Matriarch is improving, or so “they” say. We spoke to her this morning and she claimed that she was feeling better, but, skeptical as always, we sought to verify this information.
Hence, our attempt to implement Operation Secretly Coded Balloons came into play. Our intel slipped us critical information as to where the Matriarch is located, and so we attempted to send up the messages. Alas, it appears the Matriarch was either sleeping or, we suspect, being interrogated, and so contact via SCBs was not made. Yet. We shall try again tomorrow.
We will note that our carefully curated planning that has involved boozy jam tributes to the Front Desk Hospital Guy paid off in spades today. To wit:
Me: Okay, so she’s somewhere in that building. I’ll send up the balloons.
FDHG: I’m sure that’ll work well.
Me: Hmm. What if I’m sending them up to some random person’s window? Say, if I get arrested….
FDHG, interrupting: I’ll vouch for you!
FDHG: I’m sure that’ll work well.
Me: Hmm. What if I’m sending them up to some random person’s window? Say, if I get arrested….
FDHG, interrupting: I’ll vouch for you!
My work here is done. Well, for today at least.
12004.11 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
Just yesterday, a fellow patriot shared a missive about someone in District 28 of OpiOhio who was equally determined to visit HIS mom in a medical facility, and used a bucket lift.
Today, we arrived at the Matriarch’s current kingdom to discover: the street was blocked off. Equipment was in place. INCLUDING A BUCKET LIFT.
A coincidence? I think not.
I innocently inquired if I could perhaps borrow said machinery for a short period of time, and was denied. However, the seed has been planted. Tomorrow I shall arrive with reinforcements, aka boozy cherries. I may or may not have inquired if they lock up their equipment when they leave at night, but I probably did. Being from Chicago, I may or may not have a shiv with me at all times to use as needed, but I probably do.
The Matriarch is status quo, neither better nor worse. We await results of tests. Every morning on our first of many walks, Kingsly and I are serenaded by the trilling of a mockingjay, and this reminds us that there is still beauty in the world, amidst the rage. Courage, my fellow resisters. We will burn this whole fucking house down if we have to.
12004.12 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
We have been foiled in our attempt to liberate a bucket lift, as the goldbrickers were not at their posts today. A drone launch may be next, as we are determined to make contact with the Matriarch. She is essentially the same, and we deem this unacceptable, that the doctors can't figure out what's going on. Heads will roll in District 7, oh yes.
In our ample free time, we grew some flowers, to have at the Matriarch's house upon her return. And, alert as always, Kingsly detained a King Cobra on our afternoon patrol, or perhaps it was a bumblebee. Whatever the interloper, it was vanquished posthaste.
We have lost track of the Pandemic DeathCount. Nothing seems real anymore. Isn't there an alternate universe we can jump to, perhaps the one where the Cubs DIDN'T win the World Series, thereby unleashing the furies from the black depths of Hell? Maybe?
12004.13 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
Today was a day of fuckery across the district. We set out early as usual to patrol Area 1 of the Royal Courts, only to discover: padlocked.
Our patrolling took us to our next stop, the dog park.
Padlocked.
There is no longer any offleash place to go in the District
We then determined that if you’re up at 6AM, having a cocktail at 10:30AM is essentially like having a nightcap.
The Matriarch remains in the medical facility, but today, somehow by some dystopian miracle, we managed to actually see her on Facetime. Given the Matriarch’s, umm, shall we say technological capabilities, we’re still not quite sure how this happened, and a few minutes in we were looking at a piece of equipment rather than the Matriarch, but we’ll take it.
Other discoveries today included a stunning display of plantings that will fare well in the apocalyptic drought times, and a clutch of King Cobra eggs that Kingsly diligently ignored, as they are not yet of concern to him. It is a long road ahead of us, and he intuitively understands the wisdom of marshaling his resources, as should we all.
Courage.
12004.14 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
Fools, they, who thought they could keep us from our patrols.
We made contact with a citizen in the WestHills District, where we were able to continue protecting the #Resistance. This included making sure our communication apparatus was still functioning, looking for an alternate galaxy where we can offload 62 million dotardian units.
Alas, the quest continues.
We then went to give the Matriarch her daily coded messages, disguised as innocent-seeming cards in a festive bag. We are sure the medical personnel do not suspect that we are building a coalition that will overthrow…..whoever needs to be overthrown. She feels slightly better, and this hospital continues to have a low incidence of Virus patients, thankfully. The sirens in the region are becoming constant, as the state continues to shut down. Our anger grows, as the Chief Dotard continues to bathe in his own incompetence. We will rage until the end, and take matters into our own hands as needed.
Our powers will not be questioned.
12004.15 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
The WeatherDistrict claimed that today would be a day of heavy rain, and so we did not schedule a visit to Area DogPark. It did not rain. Needless to say, names have been submitted to the Vaporization List.
We then became “those people” who go to stores to buy seemingly ridiculous things. In this case, Home Depot, for flowers. The Matriarch is likely to be coming home tomorrow, and so Kingsly and I decided that she needs a riot of color in her little patio area, as right now it is completely devoid of such. We somehow stopped ourselves from buying a fig tree to plant……but it’s early days yet. The Matriarch will be allowed to have a modicum of input into the planting decision.
Speaking of Home Depot – what the ever-loving fuck is everyone doing with Swiffer refills?? We’re attempting to thoroughly clean the Matriarch’s domicile, and there isn’t a single wet Swiffer cloth to be found. Anywhere. Wth, people, wth.
As noted above, the Matriarch is likely to be liberated tomorrow, albeit still with IV. She has been informed that she will be put to work immediately, after we determine which Worker Echelon she belongs to. The most likely slotting will be either a) Salt Mine or b) Dictating Placement of Wall Hangings. Tough to say.
12004.16 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
The Matriarch was not liberated today as planned; she was feeling poorly and so they are h̶o̶l̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶h̶o̶s̶t̶a̶g̶e̶ keeping her another night. Our day consisted of the following types of conversations:
Hospital person: So we'll send her home with the IV and she'll get nutrition through that.
Me: Okay.
HP: You'll have to coordinate with the company that makes up the nutrition.
Me: Okay.
HP: And then coordinate with the home health people.
Me: Okay.
HP: The cost of the nutrition isn't covered by Medicare.
Me: Okay.
HP: It's a custom-made solution to exact specifications.
Me: Okay.
HP: It's not covered by Medicare because reasons.
Me: Okay.
HP: It's $1600 for the week.
Me: Okay.
HP: .....
Me: .....
Me: Ooookay?
HP: Did you want to go ahead with it?
Me: Oh, you know, never mind, we'll just wing it. Gatorade will work too, right?
Me: Okay.
HP: You'll have to coordinate with the company that makes up the nutrition.
Me: Okay.
HP: And then coordinate with the home health people.
Me: Okay.
HP: The cost of the nutrition isn't covered by Medicare.
Me: Okay.
HP: It's a custom-made solution to exact specifications.
Me: Okay.
HP: It's not covered by Medicare because reasons.
Me: Okay.
HP: It's $1600 for the week.
Me: Okay.
HP: .....
Me: .....
Me: Ooookay?
HP: Did you want to go ahead with it?
I did not say that last part. My inner smartass was tempted though.
We are weary.
But then today we received a postcard from Citizen Laura, who is bravely persevering at the chateaux and hoping that the contents of the wine cellar prove sufficient. And we are heartened in the face of such courage. #Persist!
(Also today, we were wrongly directed to a dog park that was CLOSED. Kingsly was displeased. Vaporization will ensue.)
12004.17 NPD, Captain’s Log, District 7 of CalCascadia
The Matriarch felt worse today, and remains in the hospital. Normal Brother and I have determined we will break her out tomorrow; our shivs are at the ready. Our boozy jam tribute today was ITMFA – always appropriate, these days more than ever.
We also attempted to get additional elements for our Patio Garden Tableau, but were foiled by the Directorate, which is keeping the little people away from our essential goods. Are flowers and mulch less necessary than pea soup? I think not. We shall prevail tomorrow. This is our talisman, our defiance against evil forces, our bit of hope and sunshine for the Matriarch to enjoy when she comes home, a sanctuary. It should be perfect.
Kingsly is becoming known among the Area LeisureVillage citizens for his heroics. These have involved standing in the middle of the street, alertly sniffing into the wind for the scent of King Cobras. Later, at the Area PupYard, Kingsly ran a King Cobra to ground, trapping it in its burrow. It was a battle to the finish! #sobrave
Our thoughts today were with our fellow citizens in District Cheesehead, as they defiantly waited hours to vote in spite of blatant suppression efforts by the Thugs. Your citizens may be terribly slow drivers and call us FIBs, but we’ll always have Mineral Point and the Quality Bakery. #wisconsincheeselandforever
Courage!
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