Saturday, May 10, 2008

Don’t Cry For Me, D-POD

This past week, I made the not-so-difficult decision to try to sell D-POD on craigslist. I was a bit torn as to whether my ad should describe D-POD as a “possessed, evil incarnate bike, spawn of demons”, or a “great first ride!” Tough call. I realized of course that should I manage to foist D-POD on some unsuspecting soul, that means my sole bike will be Sálome....but that’s a risk I’m willing to take, especially since D-POD has been brooding in a corner of my garage for lo some many months now, tucked far enough away that I don’t accidentally brush up against him. And I’d worry about D-POD in the hands of others (not my problem), except for the fact that it’s just ME that that damn bike is always trying to kill. By selling him, I’m liberating both of us (not my problem). At least that’s what I’m telling myself (not my problem).

So in the way of the internet, I took a few pictures, made up a reasonable sounding description, posted the picture, and waited. I think my first inquiry came within about 5 minutes, tops. Huh? You mean someone actually WANTS this demonic bike that even as I was trying to clean him, the teeth on the big chainring lunged at me and cut my hand? More and more emails pop up, and while they ask seemingly relevant questions about the components and the year of the bike, not one person asks the most important thing: “is this bike possessed?” And for that I’m grateful, because of COURSE that’s not something I could lie about.

And 3 days later, D-POD has gone to a new home, to someone who had apparently never been on a road bike and didn’t know how to work the shifters – which is great, because I’m thinking that any shifting problems, he’ll attribute to user error. As they will in fact be, naturally. Bridget refers to my newly gotten cash as “blood money,” and to that I say yes, MY blood, which kept getting spilled when that bike tried to murder me, repeatedly. Besides, having a bike like that builds character – as only after being forged in darkness does the desert poppy know the sun.

I don’t know what the hell that means, since I just made it up, but it sounds good, no?

Addendum: I received an email today from D-POD’s new owner – apparently he went to buy cleats and the 2 stores he went to didn’t carry the type used for those particular pedals, so he wanted to know how old the pedals were and where he could buy cleats. Since I was in a charitable mood (it was early in the day yet), I took the 2 seconds to find a link to the pedals and to the accompanying cleats, and wished him well. Had his email had the misfortune to land across my desk this evening, as I was nursing a hematoma on my right hip from falling ignominiously on my bike today, my response might have looked more like this:

“Dude. WTF? There are approximately 200 bike shops of varying levels of service and merchandise selection in Chicago, and you apparently chose to go to Stan’s House of Two-Wheeling Fun. Or perhaps the sporting good section at Target, which is a fine store if you’re looking for, say, a windbreaker or a basketball, but probably not the place to find cleats for cycling shoes. Most self-respecting cycling shops, if you walk in there with the bike or even just the pedals, should be able to direct you towards the right cleats. Stan’s – maybe not.

And you do realize that you need special shoes for this, right? Please, say yes. Because if you’re going to be emailing me every day with another simple question (remember, with those shifters, “righty slighty, lefty hefty”, as far as the whole rear cogs/big chainring thing is concerned), then I’ll just go ahead and start poking my eye with a dull spoon now, m’kay?”

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