Sunday, April 10, 2011

At what point do you give up?

Seriously. At what point do you just recognize that your life is totally fucked up, that it's not going to get any better, that there's no point in even hoping that it will? Because I think I'm reaching that point. I think you get to that point when not one thing - ever - goes your way.

Let's take the job hunt thing. Okay, I guess it's typical that most of the companies that I've applied to for full-time jobs, I just don't even hear back from them. Nada. Zilch. Even at Accenture, where I supposedly have an in.


Fine. But then how about all the project-type work I've been pursuing fervently for many months now? Where there's been one thing after another that looks really promising, but then just goes FUBAR, for one reason or another. This work, they hire a full-time person, that work, I get underbid by people who aren't even going to do what the client needs. Note to self: overpromise, don't worry about underdelivering. This falls through, that falls through. Every single fucking thing. This potential hiring guy winds up in the hospital, for god's sake, as if I'm cursing everyone I come in contact with. I had to cash in a bond, my last one, so that I could pay my property tax bill. I'm not even scratching out an existence anymore - I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

The IRS garbage is of course just the proverbial icing on the cake. I simply cannot deal with them too. I just can't. Hopefully my friend Hymie's lawyer friends (thanks dear!) will help me out with that - I've told them that I'd be happy to cash in my IRA and pay the penalties rather than have to deal with the IRS myself. I probably won't live long enough to see that IRA anyway, so who gives a shit?

My dear CancerChick friend Pam, who I got to spend time with at the conference in FL, discussed with me this concept of bad luck and curses, because she too has had shit luck in spades. For many years, like me. And she thinks there's some higher meaning to it all, some purpose to our shit luck. And while I love Pam dearly, I have to wholly disagree. I'd say, the only point to my shitty luck is that fate is trying to see how miserable a person's life has to get before they snap, once and for all. To see how much misery one person can take. And that's pretty much it.

Really, how much?


cori said...

As someone that has been there and done that, I can tell you, there is no point you give up. And you know it. :) If you give up, they win. Instead we will vote for Jessie Ventura and his new political party. Or we immigrate to Canada. (((hugs))) hang tight. It does get better. The IRS is like Herpes, most of the time they lay low and don't flare up, you just have to learn to live with them. For the record, I have IRS problems, not Herpes. And for the record I think I'd rather have Herpes.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Tash.
AS you may or may not know, I've been a recovering alcoholic for a long time. And people don't go to AA because they are having a wonderful time in their life. In fact, we usually get'em because everything is totally sh**ty. The trick is, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and doing whatever presents itself. One day, something does turn up - with your skills and background, it has to. Just, not necessarily in the time frame you need and deserve.
If I were you, right now, I would just sit down and have a really good cry, and eat some ice cream. Then, tomorrow, start doing whatever comes up.
Don't assume that the IRS will be so awful, either, unless you know you lied like a rug. I've heard that 60-70% of these detailed audits end up in a payment to the taxpayer. It won't be fun, but this may be God's way of getting some money in your pocket.Hugs.


Anonymous said...

Tasha, I too am a victim of the universes shitstorm that seems to always be directly over my head. If giving up or giving in would stop it or "help" in any way I would have already surrendered. We not only have to deal with all of this, but we do it alone- fun, not! I'm always here if you need an ear or friend.

RP said...

Ditto!! They all said it GF! Hang onto your butt. No one promised you an easy ride my dear.

luv you!

Pamela Grossman said...

1) i totally agree with cori re IRS. don't cower or throw in the towel. they very well may end up owing you when it's all done (i know more than one person to whom that has happened).

2) sue is right too.

3) i told you my thoughts on this are still "beta.' : ) really, they are. but one part of what i'm trying to say is that we can learn and grow from most anything, and then use those lessons and that growth in productive ways (to help others or ourselves). sometimes the lesson is something like, "when i am down, my friends will extend their hands" (but that is a huge, great lesson!). and sometimes it's something like, "wow, i am one tenacious girl."

you can do this. all of it. i know you can. xoxo