Sunday, April 10, 2011
At what point do you give up?
Seriously. At what point do you just recognize that your life is totally fucked up, that it's not going to get any better, that there's no point in even hoping that it will? Because I think I'm reaching that point. I think you get to that point when not one thing - ever - goes your way.
Let's take the job hunt thing. Okay, I guess it's typical that most of the companies that I've applied to for full-time jobs, I just don't even hear back from them. Nada. Zilch. Even at Accenture, where I supposedly have an in.
Fine. But then how about all the project-type work I've been pursuing fervently for many months now? Where there's been one thing after another that looks really promising, but then just goes FUBAR, for one reason or another. This work, they hire a full-time person, that work, I get underbid by people who aren't even going to do what the client needs. Note to self: overpromise, don't worry about underdelivering. This falls through, that falls through. Every single fucking thing. This potential hiring guy winds up in the hospital, for god's sake, as if I'm cursing everyone I come in contact with. I had to cash in a bond, my last one, so that I could pay my property tax bill. I'm not even scratching out an existence anymore - I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
The IRS garbage is of course just the proverbial icing on the cake. I simply cannot deal with them too. I just can't. Hopefully my friend Hymie's lawyer friends (thanks dear!) will help me out with that - I've told them that I'd be happy to cash in my IRA and pay the penalties rather than have to deal with the IRS myself. I probably won't live long enough to see that IRA anyway, so who gives a shit?
My dear CancerChick friend Pam, who I got to spend time with at the conference in FL, discussed with me this concept of bad luck and curses, because she too has had shit luck in spades. For many years, like me. And she thinks there's some higher meaning to it all, some purpose to our shit luck. And while I love Pam dearly, I have to wholly disagree. I'd say, the only point to my shitty luck is that fate is trying to see how miserable a person's life has to get before they snap, once and for all. To see how much misery one person can take. And that's pretty much it.
Really, how much?