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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Blame it on the rain



Scenario: Home Depot in River Park on Saturday


Deanna and I have darted inside, because of course it’s started monsooning. Again. We pick up what we can inside, and then we need to go to the uncovered part to get plants and such. I’m perusing the pepper plants, and it starts raining harder.


Me, yelling at no one in particular: STOP! Make it stop! Can’t someone make the rain STOP??!

Home Depot Lady poking her head around the corner of the aisle: Can I help you dear?

Me: THE RAIN! Make it STOP!

HDL: Oh! I know, I wish I could!


Scenario: I see Kathleen my tenant over the weekend in the backyard.


Kathleen: Could you cut the grass in front? It’s getting pretty long…

Me, thinking about the grass in which jungle tigers or Jimmy Hoffa are probably hiding: Oh SURE, I’d be HAPPY TO, if it EVER STOPS RAINING!


Scenario: Starbucks this morning, after the dog park


I walk in and am greeted as my usual rock$tar self.


Holly: Tasha! Grande?

Robert: Petite scone?

Me: MAKE IT STOP! Make the rain stop!

Robert: We’re working on it, but…

Me: Do what you have to do! PLEASE, make it STOP!


Scenario: Doggy daycare, after Starbucks


Nancy: Hey, how’s it goi….

Me: MAKE IT STOP! Make the rain stop!


So we can see from the above scenarios that yes, Miss Tasha has finally lost her ever-loving mind. April was one of the coldest on record in Chicago. This May was the 3rd wettest on record. Every single time I go out to Skokie to plant tomatoes and anything else in between storms, the monsoon rains move in shortly thereafter. Of course.


This morning I spent hours not planting anything new, oh no, but replanting half of the tomato plants, which had gotten flattened and drowned and killed by the damn massive storms. I also had to replant cukes and zucchini and beans, since the seeds apparently rotted in the rain.


Worst of all…….I have yet to plant the pattypan squash.


This must stop. Now.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

one would think that you would be happy to be able to feel, smell and see rain since you are on this side of the grass......

Tracy Santos said...

One would think that anyone reading this blog would understand Tasha's sense of humor. One would also think that having cancer doesn't mean you don't have the right to complain about anything - since when do anonymous strangers have the right to tell people with cancer how they should live/value their life? You can be thankful to be alive and still be annoyed by the rain, and anonymous commenters like yourself.

Anonymous said...

Ms Santos,
You, as they say, are a blowhard. I didn't say that she couldn't complain, read the comment.
With love,
Anonymous

J Dye said...

Anonymous,

I would be willing to bet a Pattypan Squash that Ms. Tasha IS indeed happy to be on this side of the grass.

Its an odd comment, because I have yet to meet someone who woke up and said, "SHIT! wrong side of the grass; back to bed!"

Please find a better back-handed compliment to call me besides "blowhard". I would think someone so happy to look at the top of grass would have a plethora of descriptions for something so simple...

Sick of umbrellas,

Jack

RP said...

oh fuckin A anonymous...asswipe as they are!! Fuck you!!

Hey dickwipe Anonoooymous---asshole!! I don't have breast CA, or are recovering from such, but I lost my 1st child lately. How does that hold water with the likes of you? No never mind, cuz you are a less than soul after all.

If you come to T's board again I will wipe your ass up with sandpaper and hand it to you as a present. Fucker!!