Fast Flakes: Denied

About two months ago, planning for the impending race days when I’d need every edge I could give myself, I ordered something that I was sure would be the key to my future success. Or at least ever-greater success, if such a thing is even possible. Yes, I ordered a couple of boxes of Fast Flakes, purportedly the cereal eaten by “The Fastest Woman in the World – Lauryn Williams” – according to her website. Though, hmm, now that I take a closer look at her website, nowhere does it actually say that she EATS these things. Odd.

Anyway, what caught my eye initially was this – “Eat it because you dream of running or biking faster everyday.” And heck, if there were ever a slogan that called out to me, that would be it, because if there’s one thing I do a LOT of, it’s dreaming. You know, “if you can dream it, you can achieve it, or a close approximation thereof (some restrictions apply),” or however it goes. So naturally, I sent my money right in, via PayPal, which the bean-counters at FastestWomanLaurynWilliams Inc. were very quick to glom onto.

So I waited. And waited. And waited. Dreaming all the while of my future glory and fame, all thanks to the power of the Fast Flakes. And lo, what did I get in my email just a week or so ago, these many months after first ordering the damn things? Notice that they’re “out of stock” and that my money had been refunded. Oh sure, thanks, AFTER you’ve been sucking the interest out of my $9.32 for 2 months now. And to add insult to injury, they’re STILL advertising the damn Flakes online! This calls for action. You see, I don’t want any of you out in ReaderLand to have your hopes and dreams so cruelly dashed as mine have been. Because now - dare I say it – I might have to actually go out there and, and......train once in a while. Shudder. What has this world come to, when you can’t get where you want to be by artificial or underhanded means? I don’t even know if I want to inhabit this kind of world......