make efficient use of my time - all while waiting to vote for my candidate of choice – when I realize, who the hell IS my candidate of choice? I’m just not sure – what with two candidates and two parties that are so similar in pretty much everything. It’s a tough call - and besides, my faithful readers know how wishy-washy and un-opinionated I tend to be. I decide to call Motria.Motria: Hello?
Me: I’m going to vote but I’m Undecided. McCain was funny on SNL, but Obama might have to get the sympathy vote since his grandmother just died. And that Palin – that whole “winking” schtick of hers really says to me “hey, I’m competent”. So I’m torn – what do you think?
Motria: I had a similar dilemma, but then I learned something that decided it for me.
Me: What’s that? McCain has a secret plan to overthrow Iran? Obama actually hates the environment because he has hayfever and plans to pave, baby, pave?
Motria: No, nothing like that. Michelle Obama went to my high school!
Me: Sweet! Obama it is then. Sympathy PLUS connections – that works for me.
Thus decided, I get to my polling place prepared for lines – and there’s nothing, no throngs of people outside clamoring to get in. My grueling ordeal subsequently goes like this:
10:30am - get to polling place, walk in, no line
10:31 - have first efficient person ask me my address, they find me right away, check me off
10:31:30 - second person asks for name and address, find me, give me paper to sign, pick up paper ballot
I vote.
10:40 - Octogenarian takes my paper ballot, feeds it into machine, it's counted, I get a slip of paper. Tell him we should get stickers - we never get stickers. He's pretty much deaf so he has no idea what I'm babbling about. Leave. Walk to Starbucks for an iced latte.
Bah, so easy. What’s the point? Clearly there’s a vast right-wing conspiracy afoot to take away the Sturm and Drang that makes voting so essential. Since I have no fun voting stories, I have to live vicariously through friends – Jillian, for example, had a long wait, but the best part of her tale was that when they asked for her last name and she said “Busch – like the beer, not the
president” – she got a bunch of audible “thank you for that jesus!” exclamations in return. And at Deanna’s polling place, apparently they emptied out the local nursing home for their workers, who apparently could neither see nor hear well enough to actually look up anyone’s names.Then there was Lynn, the wife of someone Deanna works with, the story via email:
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5:35 am lynn arrives at logan square library to vote,thinking that they might open the polls early. There is already a line. But she's fifth, so that's good because that means she'll be out of there by 6:05 at the latest. yeah right.
5:55 am line is now about twenty people long. Still waiting for the polls to open.
6:01 am library still hasn't opened. lynn getting a little annoyed.
6:05 am library still hasn't opened. other people are getting a little annoyed. woman about five people behind lynn (will later in the email be referred to as the leader of the rebellion) starts getting mouthy, saying things like "this is f---ing ridiculous"
6:08 am about 30 people in line. woman about five people behind lynn asks us to hold her place in line while she goes to bang on the library windows.
6:09 am about 6 other people join the woman who was about five people behind lynn but is now the leader of the rebellion. all 6 start banging on the library windows, chanting things like "we need to vote!" and "let us vote!" the leader of the rebellions starts yelling "you can't deny us the right to vote!!!"
6:13 am library still hasn't opened. a few more people have joined in with the rebellion. security guard comes out to say that there is an "altercation" going on in the library, and it will be a few more minutes.
6:18 am. the rebellion settles down. they get back in line. lynn turns around to see patrick about thirty people behind her. lynn says a little prayer that patrick has been there the whole time and got to witness the rebellion.
6:21 am doors finally open. we walk in to find all of the election judges in the library yelling at each other. nothing is ready. mass chaos. The leader of the rebellion proceeds to get in a fight with the woman from the states attorney's office. woman from the state's attorney's office throws her file folder in the air and says, "fine. if we are so disorganized, then we won't help you! i'll just stand here and let you figure out the voting process on your own. " she then refuses to help any of the volunteers who have questions saying, "no, i'm not allowed to help. these
people here say that we are disorganized, so if we are so disorganized maybe they can do it better. i'm just going to stand in the corner and let them take care of it."and the woman from the state's attorney's office stood in the corner with her arms crossed like a two year old, refusing to help anyone who had a question by saying, "sorry, i'm not allowed to help."
6:36 am lynn leaves wondering if her vote will actually get tallied but so happy that she witnessed the crazies.
best morning ever. best voting experience ever. by far above and beyond election 2006 with the goth people.
- - - - - - - -
Deanna then relayed the goth story from 2006:
Lynn who is a blond, tiny, preppy high school teachers asks Pat (who has already voted) where the polling place is. Pat tells her is down by LuLu cafe (which is next to the logan square auditorium) on the square. Lynn heads down and sees a line. The line slowly moves up a stair case and then Lynn goes through a metal detector. About that time she realizes something is
not right. She looks around and everyone is wearing black, white makeup and red lipstick. She had spent 30 minutes or so in line in order to get into some goth show at the Logan Square Auditorium. She graciously makes her exit and goes one door down and successfully votes.Sometimes, truth is way better than fiction.....
As for me, I stopped by the Jewel on my way home from being irradiated in a big cold tube and picked up a bottle of margarita mix to take to Motria's later, to drink as we watch the returns. I refuse to get my hopes up - I still remember 2004 all too clearly, when the night went sour. Damn it, I really LIKED John Kerry. So he was an "intellectual". WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT??? Umm, not that I lean one way or another, no sirree. Obama got my vote just because of that sympathy thing, doncha know?
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