A dream shattered

As we all know, my sole goal with this blog is to prove that one can qualify for the Ironman in Kona while using only the Thighmaster or other “As Seen on TV!” gadgets.

Okay, maybe not only, but primarily.

Okay, maybe not primarily, but as a significant part of one’s training regimen. And this is what I’ve been doing, with rides like the Dairyland Dare thrown in just to keep my friends’ company as they pursue some sort of fitness with their less bold training plans. I always like to encourage them as they struggle mightily to achieve the kind of greatness I’m known for.

So that trip to Kona was my goal last year, and I feel certain I was headed down that path at IMWI when my dreams were crushed along with my collarbone in the bike crash. All that hard work and Thighmastering, gone in an instant. Along with the $525 I had paid to do IMMOO, since the Ironman people don’t do rollovers.

However, that didn’t deter Bridget, who (bless her soul) contacted the IM people to see if a rollover would be possible. Her emails mentioned the cancer, the bike crash, the fact that for IMWI even though I couldn’t race I was volunteering all day with my arm in a sling, etc. In other words, she made me sound like some namby-pamby do-gooder instead of me as I am with my single-minded pursuit of triathlon glory. But that’s okay, the thought was there. As expected, the IM folks said as a general rule they didn’t do rollovers, but seemed to leave the door open by suggesting Bridget contact them later after I was done with treatment.

So flash forward to a few weeks ago, when Bridget excitedly told me that the IM people had in fact decided that I’d get a rollover. Yay! Victory! Hmm, except they said they’d register me again, no mention of the fee. Being naturally suspicious, I asked Bridget to follow up on this to clarify, and lo and behold, yes they’d let me do this year’s IMMOO.....but I had to pay the $525 again. Or maybe $550, which was this year’s fee. Gee, thanks. The race is fun, but it’s not $1050 fun. And not that I could afford the additional $525 anyway.

Just like that, my dreams of qualifying and proving the supremacy once and for all of my stringent training plan turned into so much dust. I guess they’re worried about a sudden influx of people in similar situations, i.e. with cancer and who break their collarbones 3 weeks before the race, suddenly pestering them for rollovers. And god knows if you give a rollover to ONE collarbone-crushed cancerchick, you have to do it for ALL of them. And that’s a risky proposition – just imagine the swarm of people that might ensue!

So I’m a bit disappointed, as I was clearly looking at a sub 10:00 time, based on my training to date. You’d be amazed at how effective a training technique is the whole breathing deeply and striding briskly thing. Now this means I’ll have to move to Plan B. You see, I’ve already convinced our Tri Club that our aid station theme should be none other than....Las Vegas. And so, it’s time to make my dream happen. Yes – to dress up in Liberace's aptly named Red-White-Blue "Hotpants" outfit:



If you racers fall off your bikes as you’re approaching Cross Plains because you’re so awed and/or incredulous, don’t say you weren’t warned....