My latest secret weapon

I ventured into Costco the other day, and as usual was thinking about my triathlon goddessness, what tips I could give the little people to improve their race times, etc. I was walking along briskly, breathing deeply – in other words, training – when lo and behold, what did I see? This technological marvel:




Yes, the skirtini – yet such a simple term doesn’t do justice to the wonder that this article of clothing is. Not only does it have a pneumatic shelf bra built in, but the ruffly skirt the Costco one had is too short to actually hide one’s flaws (if you’re so unfortunate as to have any, that is) so it hits you at just the right unflattering place on the thighs. Plus, I have to note that as ugly as the colors on this one are, the one’s at Costco were exponentially uglier, with color combinations like green/brown/white and white/brown/pink.

While I did not immediately leap upon the skirtini – I was trying to appear subtle, so as to avoid the usual stampede that commences when I buy something and everyone else tries to follow suit – I later got to thinking how useful it would be in my upcoming races. For a mere $22, I could buy something that would basically guarantee me swimming space at Ironspud. How? Well, I figure that people will wonder why the hell I’m wearing something so ugly and impractical, will decide I’m off my rocker, and will thus give me a wide berth. Score!

Yes, I know what you’re all thinking, and it is true: when it comes to strategic thinking, I truly have a gift. Sometimes, it even scares ME.