Of squash and baseball

It has come to my attention that some people are accusing me of nefarious doings, just to get more people to come and read my little blog. Which is ridiculous. (By the way, my 500,000^th reader will win a BIG prize! Just sayin.’)

To wit, here’s this comment from Alert Reader Robyn, who believes that I mention pattypan squash incessantly just to bring the pattypan squash aficionados dashing here all willy nilly:

“Hmm... so people are coming in for patty pan squash and you post another patty pan squash topic. Heard of keyword stuffing much? At least post a recipe for the poor lost souls.”

Clearly, I have no idea what she’s talking about with this concept of “keyword stuffing” – just because I mention pattypan squash on rare occasion. And who wouldn’t? Who does NOT like, nay love, those bright yellow cheerful little vegetables, known as pattypan squash? The veritable king of the vegetable garden, those little pattypan squash are, yes indeed.

But since we all know that I take every single comment made here to heart, behold, I present you all a recipe on how to use the little sucke….I mean delicacies.

And by the way, the rumor that I’m going to rename this blog The Pattypan Squash Route to Kona is just that, a vicious rumor. I swear.

Pattypan Squash Casserole

• 3 pattypan squash
• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 pound Italian sausage
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup dried bread crumbs
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
• 1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed tomato soup
• 1 cup water
• tons of cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees (175 degrees C). Grease or spray a 13x9 inch baking dish.
2. Bring one inch of water to a boil in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Add squash, cover, and cook for 10 minutes, or until a fork can pierce the stem with little resistance. Drain, and slice off the top stem of the squash. Use a melon baller to carefully scoop out the centers of the squash. Reserve all of the bits of squash.
3. In a medium bowl, mix together the ground beef, sausage, chopped onion, bread crumbs, and egg.
4. Throw away the squash. It’s served its purpose, making you feel virtuous for even attempting to use the pesky little things.
5. Place the meat mixture into the prepared baking dish.
6. In a bowl, stir together the crushed tomatoes, tomato soup, and water. Spoon the tomato mixture over the meat mixture. Dump a ton of cheese on top, yum.
7. Bake in the preheated oven for approximately 45 minutes. You may want to place foil or a cookie sheet underneath the baking dish because it tends to bubble over and splash.
8. Bask in the glory of eating a truly healthy meal, complete with pattypan squash.

Never let it be said that I don’t give useful information here.

And of baseball – my friends have pointed out that the fact that I’m not getting to throw out the first pitch at the game on Sunday is, well, beyond lame. What with me having cancer and all, and the White Sox probably deciding that one of their Bulls or Blackhawks celebrities will get to do the honors. Which, as I pointed out to someone,, is total bullshit. After all, those guys can pick up the phone any fricking day and say hey, can I throw out the first pitch at a game, and the WS would be all over that. Me, this is my one and only chance.

It is perhaps telling that the White Sox woman never gave me her email address. Hmm. But I do have the email for the MLB woman in charge of all this, a lovely woman named Kate Gibson, who I’m sure would be appalled that the teams may not be living up to their end of the deal. Simply appalled.

Now, far be it from me to suggest that any of my eighteens of readers send Ms. Gibson (kate.gibson@mlb.com) an uber-polite letter telling her how much joy I bring to you all, the little people, and how it would break my curmudgeonly little heart to be so denied. And how that might affect my ability to blog here on anything resembling a regular basis. (Sad sigh.) No sirree (kate.gibson@mlb.com), not suggesting anything like that at all.

Nope, not me.