Question, we get questions....

Tasha, oh great one, what’s the MLSFBFKat thing stand for? Is that like George Carlin’s 7 words you can’t say on tv?

Hmm, I thought that was kind of intuitive. Apparently not, so let me explain. You see, MLSFBFKat’s been a faithful reader of this blog since Day One – back when I just had ones of readers instead of the sea of tens that I have now. As such, I determined early on that she too deserved an acronym, as a sign of her stature. Kind of like with MSU (Make Shit Up) and GSD (Get Shit Done) - these acronyms are an integral part of my blog, and Kat is definitely worthy.

As to how the name evolved, it stemmed from a conversation I was having one day with MLSFBFKat (though she was just the rather pedestrian “Kat” then), where she was a) bemoaning the fact that she had only done 50 minutes on her torturous elliptical device. That day. And then b) feeling bad about not making it over to Lynn with the broken hip to bring her snacks and trashy magazines – MORE snacks and trashy magazines I should say – because hmm, it had snowed another foot and dammit, Kat’s wheelchair just couldn’t make it through the HUGE PILES OF SNOW AND ICE. So you can see how Kat quickly and easily got saddled with the “lazy and selfish” moniker. Hence we had MLSFKat (My Lazy Selfish Friend Kat), which was expanded to add Boring Feeble for some other transgressions that I don’t recall, but particularly egregious ones I’m sure. Probably for something like only making TWO varieties of delicious delectable Christmas cookies to hand out to one and all instead of five. I know - I too shake my head in disbelief.

The description of the dog attack was horrible and brought me to tears. Please tell me it wasn’t really that bad? Not saying that you ever exaggerate, oh no, never, but maybe just once, just in this case?

Well, I was hoping to be able to tell you that it sounded on paper worse than it was – and actually, little yellow dog’s leg didn’t look that bad. A few spots of blood and the limp, which could have been a temporary thing. Alas, this week there was a sign at the dog park that little yellow dog’s owners put up – Janie is little dog’s name – warning people about the vicious dog that broke Janie’s leg. Yes, poor little Janie is now wearing the Cone of Shame for 6 weeks. On a good note though, Ron-the-dog-walker did get hold of them and found out that Janie isn’t at all traumatized, still wants to go to the dog park as usual, so that’s a good thing.

Is Kona really now a mascot for Schizle.com? Oh, and on your blog, could you please make a suggestion that any ad agencies out there contact you so that we can talk to them? Signed, A Random Yet Avid Fan

Hi Brian (my fellow co-worker). Yes, Kona is our mascot – it’s in my contract – and here he is pondering the weighty decisions of the day for Schizle: do we want to add Petsmart or Petco? Will the humans finagle enough of a discount on pig ears? Which Starbucks will I get today’s scone from? Maybe they should develop a scone just for me - the KoneScone. With a little meat or bacon in it. Yeah, that's the ticket. And cheese. I like cheese.



This means he will now get the adulation he is due, since (just like his owner) he’s Practically Perfect in Every Way. Or close to it. When he’s not pouncing on and chewing everything in sight. Minor details. Or trying to dig into the couch. Or stealing my newspaper as I’m reading it. Or chewing up my “Breast Cancer Bible” in a fit of pique at all my doctors’ appointments. Okay, that at least was pretty funny.

Oh, and ad agencies who want your brands to be part of the Hottest New App for the iPhone, feel free to contact me. You might get in on the ground floor, with sufficient bribes.

Will your new job keep you from your blog?

Hey now, let’s keep our priorities straight here. Blog first, work for The Man later. Besides, this is the first job I’ve had where my role includes writing fun stuff (see the schizle.com website to see what I mean). AND I now have a Blackberry, courtesy of TwentyFour6, in addition to the forthcoming computer bag and other little goodies. Talk about bleeping golden – I’m just rolling in schwag here. Who needs actual salaries when you’re treated like royalty? Or, in my case, as I should be. I’m glad someone finally gets that.