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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

This is bleeping golden

I have learned a valuable lesson today - never dismiss comments to this blog made by my earnest readers without really looking at them or the links they include. You see, occasionally I’ll get a comment that makes me think that either some weirdos have stumbled upon this site, i.e. those who don’t understand my wit, or that perhaps Swimfan is just really really bored and deciding to try to rouse my ire. Little does he know that I never get my feathers ruffled about ANYTHING – why, I am the very soul of equanimity.

Anyway, there was a comment to my last post telling me how useful The Secret can actually be, and at first I rolled my eyes, but then later when I was procrastinating from doing the work I should actually have been doing, I decided to check out the accompanying link. Whereupon I discovered to my shame that the comment was a missive from my faithful clan, adding the type of information that this little blog is known for.

What the hell am I talking about, you ask? I was going to paraphrase the info from the link, which is a reader review of The Secret from Amazon, but instead I think I’ll just post the bulk of it here (edited slightly for space) directly, so that it’ll be saved for all posterity and enjoyed by many:

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“Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life.......At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.

My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.

Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I've never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of "The Secret". Normally I wouldn't have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn't have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read.

The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the "Law of Attraction" in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn't exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 "The Secret to Relationships" that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.

The next day in the exercise yard I carried "The Secret" with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I'm not sure that everybody's life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I'm very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.”

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I think that says it all, about what The Secret can do for you and how it can actually help you. Thank you for sharing, dear reader.

3 comments:

Israeli said...

Love it, even though it did not have a happy "couples walk off into the sunset" type of ending

Anonymous said...

Wow! And I thought each golden moral was somehow lost on the public consciousness! Thank You!

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