Friday, November 6, 2009

Let them eat cake

Even though I’m not a billionaire – yet – I have aspirations, of course. Why else would I be so diligent about pursuing my triathlon career and all the other things I do, if it weren’t for the express goal of making TONS of money? And I do mean tons, like Scrooge McDuck amounts, where I could be swimming in it. Like, for example, the health insurance company CEOs. Oh sure, there are the pikers among them: Stephen Hemsley of UnitedHealth Group, $5M; Angela Braly of WellPoint, $9.1M; Edward Hanway of Cigna, $10.3M.

But then we have the true maverick, or Master of the Universe, if you will: Ronald Williams of Aetna, $38.5M. A year. To this I can only say: bravo! Undoubtedly this had something to do with the decision to basically make everything a pre-existing condition, including acne. This is astoundingly brilliant. As is considering domestic violence a pre-existing condition. Clearly I’m with the wrong political party, as it was all Republicans who voted against an amendment that would have ended that sort of discrimination, I mean cherry-picking, I mean sharp strategic planning and profit optimization. For all you whiners out there running to the doctor over every little sniffle, ache, blinding migraine, open wound, jutting bone: buck up there! Shake it off! This country wasn’t built on that kind of namby-pamby attitude. And for you complainers saying you can’t afford health insurance, some mumbling about “having to put food on the table” (hello, obesity crisis in America much??), I say this: are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

The people I personally seek to emulate most, i.e. the head honchos of BCBS of Illinois, still have some work to do to reach the vaunted Williams of Aetna status. After all, Ronald McCaskey, the current CEO, only made $10.3M last year, a pittance compared to, say, the $15.3M Gail Boudreaux, Executive VP, received as she was heading out the door to greener pastures. Ronald, we are so behind you as you strive to make what you’re truly worth. Those who would ever even think of the notion that one could have “enough” money are clearly the “little people”, who just don’t understand these things at all.

I am a little late to the party here, admittedly, but I finally recognize these essential truths: money is king. Greed is good. Thus, I really don’t understand all the fuss over the fact that Goldman Sachs and other i-banks got doses of H1N1 before hospitals, clinics, doctors’ offices, etc. Don’t people realize how very very important the work they do is and what a catastrophe it would be if some of those i-bankers got sick? After all, if we don’t have them bundling up things like life insurance into sets of useless derivatives to trade and make themselves shitloads of money before the whole thing comes crashing down so that they can be bailed out by the government......then who will?

Luckily, I have found an organized group of people who think exactly as I do on this topic, who truly understand the pressure that the wealthy and the insurance companies (but I repeat myself) are under. Unfairly under, I might add. This group – my people - is Billionaires for Wealthcare, whose slogan is “If we ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” I don’t think it would be an understatement to say – these people are my heroes. God bless.

1 comment:

the infertile breeder said...

Never fear, my friend. Tessie had some more yogurt "for the cure" this morning. Soon enough, you will be both healthy AND wealthy! Yay.