Monday, November 23, 2009

No no NO, people.....

Okay, so I know how my fans try to emulate me in all things, striving to Be Like Tasha, to achieve my very own pinnacle of success, or what passes for success around here. For example, today there was no bathroom ceiling collapsing on my head, no brain injuries, no car crashes, no bills from collection agencies. So basically an up.

And yet, sometimes there IS such a thing as taking things too literally. I point to this comic, and my penchant for going around beating the deserving with a frozen ham.

Note I said DESERVING. Paula Deen, she of gooey butter cake fame, is not deserving. Yet today I received shocking news of what is being referred to as "the ham incident." Now, if this type of thing were happening to, say, Joe Lieberman, I’d be all for it. If he doesn’t need a frozen ham to the head, who does? Or as per the Ukrainian saying that my dad would often use, particularly when referring to Barbra Streisand for some reason: “there’s a face asking for a brick.”

But Paula Deen? No. That’s just asking for trouble there, folks.

Also, it’s been a while since I’ve tackled a question from a faithful reader – though one astute fan did point out that I now seem to be up to elevens of readers. Huzzah! Billionare-dom awaits! But first, a question:

Is there an "army of women" doing research on "blurry eye"? Is there some food item we could start buying "for the cure" for this affliction? What color ribbon should we be wearing next to our pink ribbons? Please advise.

Now you see, THESE are the kinds of hard-hitting questions our government Task Forces made up of no oncologists yet including several people from the health insurance industry should be focusing on, instead of all that mammogram/breast cancer stuff. Yawn. BC is SO yesterday, no? I do think blurry eye is the next big thing, the new black, and yet right now, it could be considered the bastard stepchild of the medical establishment. Sad, really. But, far be it from me to shirk from my duties, as I will step in to fill the void. Please be on the lookout for announcements for my first big fundraiser, coming soon, just as soon as we can procure enough walking canes: “Blurry Eye for the Cure 5K: because everyone deserves to see non-blurrily.” Damn, I’m good. Read it and weep, Komen.


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Roadie in Vancouver said...

I can "see" it now. Instead of signposts for mile markers, there will be slightly raised bumps on the road indicating to the participants what mile they have just passed.