For shame...

Whee, it's true, we're almost at the end! All will be revealed! Alert the media! Stop the presses!

Okay, obviously the Pinkishness has infected my brain - but you'd feel the same way if you'd been inundated with an endless supply of Pinkola for an entire month. Not that I'm complaining, no sirree - this has certainly been an illuminating endeavor, in so many ways. And the thought of all these Faithful Readers across the U.S. taking pictures of Pinkishness left and right, why, it just warms my heart. You could even say I'm tickled pink.

So, our final two Hall of Shame entrants - and the winner in this category is announced! But first:

1. The Chicago Blackhawks

Yes, the Blackhawks. Why? Well, we all know that The Girls and I (and Don, but he's an Honorary Girl) went to the Hockey Fights Cancer Awareness game recently. And that'll get a separate post all its own, just to show how we owned that rink, oh yes we did. It was a beautiful thing. We had the most awesome time, really and truly.

But that was no thanks to the Blackhawks and their total lack of effort on behalf of, oh, say, CANCER? Especially compared to what other teams did.

The Blackhawks:

- Had a guy battling neuroblastoma drop the puck - this was cool

- Had pretty much nothing else going on. No pink tape. No pink anywhere. It was apparently a BYOP night.

But what really bothers me is that they lied about what they were going to do. To wit:

(according to their website)

"The Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks, in conjunction with the National Hockey League’s month-long initiative, will host “Hockey Fights Cancer Awareness Night” at the United Center on Wednesday, October 20, when the team takes on the Vancouver Canucks. ....during the game, the Blackhawks Better Halves will be selling pucks signed by a mystery player with proceeds going to the Vera Bradley Foundation, while cancer patients and survivors will be riding the Zamboni and participating in the second intermission shoot the puck contest...."

Yes, they claimed that for The Kid, The Geek, The Bimbo, they'd have cancer survivivors. They did not. How do I know? Because this is marketing for them, after all, and I'm sure that if they did, they would have made mention of it on the Jumbotron, or in the announcing, like they did with the guy who dropped the puck. Nope.

Now, this is insulting because seriously, if me or my busty CancerChick friends wouldn't make the best of flowing-haired big-bosomed bimbos like what they had that night, then you tell me who would! Hmph.

The final insult is reading what the Hated Detroit Red Wings did. Here we go, and I warn you ahead of time, it's long (and I've bolded certain key parts):

* * * * * * *

Think Pink

Thursday is Breast Cancer Awareness night at JLA

DETROIT -- The Red Wings will host their fourth annual Breast Cancer Awareness Night this Thursday, October 21, when the Wings take on the Calgary Flames at 7:30 p.m. EDT as part of the National Hockey League’s Hockey Fights Cancer month. When the doors open at 6:30 p.m., the Joe Louis Arena concourse will be home to a variety of activities, including a silent auction, goal puck draw, 50/50 raffle and a special sale of pink winter knit hats with all proceeds benefitting the Liggett Breast Center in Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich. The funds raised will help alleviate the costs of breast cancer treatment for uninsured and underinsured women in the Metro Detroit area.

Fans who wear pink to the game will be entered to win a 2010-11 team-signed jersey by picking up a raffle ticket on the concourse behind Section 126. There fans can also participate in the goal puck draw or bid on one of 29 unique Red Wings autographed items. For $40, fans will have a chance to draw from an assortment of 100 goal pucks from the past few seasons, including pucks from the 2008 and 2009 Stanley Cup Finals. Each puck will be signed by a Red Wings player and wrapped to conceal the autograph. The fan who unwraps the puck signed in gold by Johan Franzen will meet a select Red Wings player after the game.

Players will wrap their sticks with pink hockey tape and Jimmy Howard’s glove and blocker will even be pink where it’s usually red for use during the pregame warm-ups. These items will then be autographed and auctioned off in the concourse in addition to purple Hockey Fights Cancer ties worn and autographed by Red Wings broadcasters, coaching staff and management. Other exclusive auction items include a 2010-11 team-signed pink and white Wings jersey, a one-of-a-kind Steve Yzerman jersey retirement ceremony package and game-used and autographed Tomas Holmstrom gloves and helmet. Other BCA Night activities include:

• Fans can also help the Red Wings provide encouragement to breast cancer patients currently receiving treatment by signing a banner and writing a message of support for breast cancer patients. The team-signed banner will be presented at the Liggett Breast Center on Monday, Oct. 25, and hung in their chemotherapy treatment room.
• Fans can purchase pink winter knit hats with the Winged Wheel logo embroidered on the front for $20 at both the West and East Gate entrances on the concourse level. Breast Cancer Awareness pins will be available at merchandise stands throughout the concourse for $5.
• The Red Wings will honor those affected by breast cancer by hosting 40 survivors in a suite, 20 military veterans who are also breast cancer survivors in the Quicken Loans Budd Lynch Military Suite and around 100 breast cancer survivors and patients in the stands."

* * * * * * *
The shame of it all, trumped by the Hated Red Wings. *Sob.*

* * * * * * *

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for - the winner of the Hall of Shame, who will be getting his very own Fuck Cancer hat!

The Pink Ribbon Vibrator, submitted by Original PV


Yep, a vibrator. A motherfucking vibrator. With an idiotic pink ribbon. In case you have any doubts as to why this is so damn wrong and insulting, it's because of this - the fact that younger women who have BC find themselves having to deal with a whole host of sexual problems. Not that older women don't, but we're supposed to be in some kind of sexual prime years here, and instead? We're dealing with scars and surgeries and looking and feeling like crap from both of those - especially when they're lopping off our boobs, as in, a key sexual organ.

But that's not all! Because many of these treatments have the added benefit of making sex tough to bear, not just emotionally but physically. Yep, side effects from Tamoxifen and other drugs include all sorts of things that make sex unpleasant, from disappearing libido to vaginal dryness - which is why not a day goes by that someone on YSC doesn't post something along the lines of "Help, what do I do, I don't want to have sex anymore!" Leading to all kinds of relationship problems, as I'm sure you can imagine.

So this little gizmo, to me, it's as if it's saying "Here you go! Let Cancer fuck you all over again!" With the underlying note of, "because you sure aint' gettin' it anywhere else."

Fuck you, you stupid little sex toy with your insulting pink ribbon. Some of us would be more than happy to tell you exactly where you can shove that thing.

Blah blah blah more Hall of WTF

Okay kids, are you getting tired of all this horrible yet inspiring Pinkishness? Because I am. It's like a Ronco commercial that has no end - just an endless series of "But wait, there's more!" coming at you from every direction.

So what we're going to do here is finish up the WTFs, then I'll post the couple of remaining Shames, then the Fames - and then the Grand Prizewinner will be revealed, in a post of its very own, because yes, it's that special. Interspersed in there I'll tell you who's won in each category.

I wish I could have more categories and give more of you the special Fuck Cancer hats, but alas, Miss Tasha is on the verge of losing the one bit of work that keeps her afloat and Kona in pig ears, so she ain't exactly flush with cash these days. Kind of the polar opposite.

But still, I've promised hats, and hats will be delivered. Onward! Our final Hall of WTF contestants:

1. Shimmies For The Cure


Apparently belly dancing has a cancer-curing component that most of us did NOT know about. I'm running out of things to say for these WTF entrants, because really.....WTF? Who thinks of this stuff?

2. The Support Bra/Corset, by PV

Okay, so I was going to say something about how this scary anime lady with light-socket frizzy hair is somehow connected to breast cancer awareness in a way that I don't understand, but when I was looking for more info on what exactly this was - and a better picture - I came upon this:


....and screamed slightly in horror. So I'm including it even though it's not strictly a Pinkishness item. It's just.....scary. Especially since at first glance her right boob looked all discombobulated and unfettered, and it was unclear where they were going with that. It's still unclear.

3. Cuddles For The Cure, by Adrienne


This is so bizarre that I'm going to just let little Cuddles - or Olivia, or whatever the hell her name is - speak for herself:

"This little angel is so sweet and precious, you'll want to hug her tight. And best of all, a portion of the proceeds from the sale of this breast cancer charity doll will benefit the fight against breast cancer! Now you can help spread breast cancer awareness with this So Truly Real® Tiny Miracles™ pink baby doll by Master Doll Artist Cheryl Hill. An Ashton-Drake exclusive, little Olivia is just 10 inches long and can sit in the palm of your hand! Dressed in a precious pink dress, white hat and symbolic pink looped ribbon, Olivia sends a heartfelt message of hope. This collectible pink baby doll is charmingly lifelike with RealTouch™ vinyl skin, feather-soft blond hair and tiny hand-painted features. Doll measures just 10" (25 cm.) long."

So you've got a freakishly small yet "charmingly lifelike" baby, which is supposed to.....what? Symbolize for your friend with BC all the babies she won't have because cancer treatment has rendered her infertile? In thinking about it, this should actually go in the Hall of Shame category, because that's pretty damn offensive, but I'll leave her here, because she's also so....freakish. Shudder.

4. Reindeer For The Cure

A pink reindeer? Umm, you mean like something you'd put up for...Christmas? It's called Pinktober for a reason, folks, not Pinkember or Pinkmas. Please remember that.

5. And not to be outdone......Pink Komen Ribbons on a Stick, by Arlyn

Okay, maybe they're garden stakes or something, since they were at Lowe's next to the hideous pink light-up reindeer, but in any case, would you want to decorate your garden with these things? I didn't think so.

6. Lint For The Cure. by Don Fernandez

Sigh. A lint roller. Really? LINT?

7. Stupid ad for Water For The Cure

Hee hee giggle. Now we've regressed to 1st grade.

8. The so-called Pink Ribbon Diet, by tigerchik

Thieves, pure and simple. Let's remember that two years ago I was proclaiming my adherence to the Pinkishness Diet Plan. And here these buffoons are, stealing my thunder. Looks like it's time to lawyer up. Cha-ching!

9. Another place for me to sue, by Don

Now that I have my world-renowned catchphrase F*ck the Ta-Tas on t-shirts for sale, I think that means I basically OWN that word, no? Yep, lawyering up again. Cha-CHING!

And our potential WTF winner:

10. Pears Care! by Cori

....because apples apparently don't give a rat's ass.

Yes, this may not strictly be the most WTF entrant, but it amuses me to no end, and it's my contest. Pears, caring! Who knew?

(to be continued)

The Hall of WTF Part II

Yes, and there may even be a Part III. I have so many WTF entrants that I could pass them around like cheap party favors. So, to continue......

1. Pink ribbon crinkly paper at the plastic surgeon's office!*

Yes, that would be the plastic surgeon who did the breast reconstruction on Alert Reader Rachel, who took a picture of this and sent it in. This would have gone into the Shame category, except that she really likes her doctor - in spite of the fact that they've got this bizarre crinkly paper thing going on, AND all the doctors and nurses wear pink scrubs in the month of Pinktober.



I am befuddled. Do the women going into the breast surgeon's office for post-recon follow-up really need to be made more aware of BC? Is it really possible they'd forget why they're at that particular doctor? "Oh, you know, the new Boobages look so fantastic I forgot that they were chopped off in the first place! My bad!"

I'm thinking....not.

*Miss Tasha's brain is still not at its usual 112%, so apparently I misremembered and it was the BREAST surgeon's office, NOT the plastic surgeon! In other words, a place needing even less the pink-ribboned reminder......

2. Dry cleaning For The Cure





















As Faithful Reader T-Odd put it:

"I am all about curing The Cancer even if it means using products that cause cancer because cancer must be cured even if it means causing cancer."

Well said, T-Odd, well said.

3. The Pink Glove Dance thing

I'm sure it's probably just me, but I don't get this. First off, the vision of a lot of medical people dancing around in a not-too-jiggy-with-it manner while wearing pink gloves just strikes me as strange. Especially when they're nurses and technicians and what have you dancing around the operating room - where many of us have been all too often. I don't know, it just doesn't seem befitting to the gravity of the situation. You know, major surgery and all.


Plus I don't get what we're supposed to be made aware of. There's another video with a whole slew of Texas cheerleaders getting together - not the cheerleaders who look like they're doing a porn dance routine, but cheerleaders from over the years, all getting back together to do a cool dance using pink pompons and such. That's cool because it's well-choreographed and artistic. This pink-gloved shuffling around in scrubs - hmm. Just not seeing it.

3. Garden gnome, by Original PV


Huh?

4. Other random household and musical objects, also by Original PV









Scissors? A tambourine?? Really folks, we're just looking around and throwing a pink ribbon on whatever our eyes land upon, aren't we now.......

5. Bizarre pink bear robot


I don't know what this is either, but I think it proves my last point.

6. Medical stuff, by Natalie Gordon













The sparkly pink-beribboned sling and the pink rollator (as they call it) are bad enough. "Hey, so your bones are snapping underneath you because your BC has metastasized to your bones, but here's a pink-beribboned walker for you! Neat, huh?"

Yeah, that puppy would go flying out the window right quick.

But then there's this, the "Slanket Blanket with Sleeves." Which is annoying because isn't that just a whole bunch of redundancies right there? After all, what is a "slanket" but.....a blanket with sleeves!


Plus this charlatan of a website selling this crapola has a big announcement at the top of the page that "A portion of the proceeds will go to breast cancer awareness!" But there's no info anywhere on the website about how much or to whom. So basically the company is throwing a party for its employees, with someone walking around saying "Hey, be aware of breast cancer! Here's a discount coupon for our Slanket Blanket with Sleeves!"

Very shady, folks, very shady.

(to be continued)

Pinkapalooza cont. - the Hall of WTF

Oh, this is a category with SO many entrants! Certainly, there are things that can do double-duty in either the Hall of Shame or in WTF. But while these are astonishing in and of themselves, they don't quite have that underlying edge of "what were you assholes thinking?", hence their placement here.

Okay, enough blather. Onward.

1. Goddess of Love jeans


"This pair of Denim for Immortality Jeans come with pink Swarovski crystals on the back pockets. The price tag is $229 and fifty percent of the purchase will go to the the Young Survival Coalition."

Okay, it's great that they're donating money to YSC, my people, but.....$229? As in, not one of us with bills from, say, cancer, could actually afford these?

The name kind of sucks too. Immortality? We'd be happy to make it into something resembling a golden year.

2. Speed bumps For The Cure


".....a campaign that draws a parallel between the bumps felt on breasts and the road bumps. A sign is placed after the pink-striped road bump with the message “Felt the bump? Have your breasts checked” and the hospital name."

I....I...oh, never mind. Just, never mind. Picture me shaking my head here.



3. The ugliest hat in creation, For The Cure

"It’s nice to see that fashion designers are joining celebrities such as Christina Applegate, Amy Winehouse and Jennifer Aniston in spreading awareness and raising funds for breast cancer. Renowned hat designer Philip Treacy has created a special hat, The Pink Knot Hat, in support of Breast Cancer Care in collaboration with Selfridges’ Pinkridges campaign.

The stylish Pink Knot Hat uses the trademark breast cancer pink ribbon in a “fuchsia pink fly away bow.”"

Seriously? I mean, it's not just me, right? This thing is insanely ugly, yes?

Yeah, I didn't think it was just me.

4. Kinky Crochet for Cancer

"Shannon Gerard sells crocheted boobs and penises that have little lump inside to teach the public how to check their private parts for cancer. Called Early Detection Kit, it contains either a boob or a penis and an accompanying booklet that teaches men and women how to perform monthly self-examinations."

The crocheted peni are called "dinks" btw, in case you were wondering. I know you were.

5. The pink stenograph For The Cure, by Lisa Mala

Yep, a stenograph, i.e. one of those machines used by court reporters. In court. For trials and depositions.

Somehow I can't really imagine someone rolling this puppy into the court to take down testimony for, say, a grisly murder trial.....but hey, what do I know? Maybe that'll just help the victim's family feel more Hopeful and Inspired.

6. The airport terminal For The Cure, by Kristin Fanczalski

Another early front-runner, and who can blame me? Kristin took these photos at the American Airlines counter at O'Hare, braving the strange looks people were giving her. Or maybe they too were looking askance at the disco ball hanging from the ceiling (whee, cancer! Par-tay time!), or the pink ribbon wreath that looks a bit funereal, or maybe just ALL the decorations that truly look like the people who did this were on heavy heavy medication. Or drugs. Or both.

7. Rubber duckies, by faithful ST reader Original PV

I don't get these ducks. At all. One has a pink eye patch, another has a pink ribbon and eye decorations, the third is pink with flowers. Okay, I kind of like that one - but I still dont' get it.

8. Skeevy lid collecting, where alert reader Don goes for PT

Okay, it's yucky enough that an individual would collect those yucky little lids and throw them in all their stickiness into an envelope - but here, does that duty fall to someone who works there? "So, umm, hey Peter, I'm going to need you to come in this weekend to wash off all these lids that random people have licked, dry them, then send them off to the Yoplait people for mere pennies. You don't mind, right."

9. A truck for.....something, For The Cure, by tigerchik

I have no idea what this truck is about, or what they're delivering. but they're in pink, so I guess that makes it okay.

10. Bubblewrap For The Cure

I include this here because I'm annoyed that everyone saw the damn Pink Bubblewrap but me! J'accuse! What the hell would one use this for anyway? "Hmm, I'm going to wrap this little knit cap that I made for Sharon, to put on her bald head after chemo, in this cheerful pink ribbon bubble wrap paper. You know, to remind her to Fight! And to Be Aware!"

To be continued....

Pinkapalooza Time.....

Okay, okay, I know, it's already November 4th, and I have yet to post the Pinkapalooza Contest winners. Quite frankly, I've been a little overwhelmed with all the entrants - so much Pinkishness. So much crap. So much to offend.

But be that as it may, there are Fuck Cancer hats to distribute! I may have to come up with new categories so that I can give out more than just the one FC hat per grouping - but hey, it's my contest, I get to make the rules.

Anyway. I still have to go back and add some entries to the Hall of Fame category, but let's start out with some for the Hall of Shame - and again, this isn't complete, but I have to start somewhere.

So, without further ado: Hall of Shame entries in this year's Pinkapalooza Contest!

1. Cheese on sale, by Jen H-S


I know, you're thinking....cheese? How can cheese, of all things, be offensive? Well, the fact that this was sent in MID-OCTOBER, i.e. with Pinktober not even halfway through, and already they're putting the Cheese For The Cure on sale! WTH? That's like saying that those of us With Cancer aren't worth full-price. Like we're a mere fraction of a person.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

2. Pink alcohol For The Cure


Again, how many times do I have to repeat this simple fact: alcohol kills. Oh, I know that sounds all melodramatic and shit, but I'm actually serious about this, especially for those who already HAVE breast cancer. A mere 3 drinks a week raises your chance of a recurrence dramatically. So what the hell, are these companies trying to kill us here? I mean, I like a good mai tai as much as the next person, but i don't pretend that it's not really really bad for me. And I sure as hell don't try to make money off of it.

3. Again with the Boobies crap


Again folks - this is 2nd grade stuff here! Boobies indeed.

4. Cows For The Cure


Oops, sorry, we're not actually cows - this window just seems to be suggesting that. You know, that as women our only purpose in life is to churn out milk for the erstwhile offspring, that many young women with BC can no longer have, thanks to The Cancer and all.

5. Tinkled Pink??


Seriously, who comes up with this shit?? Oh wait, I know - it's everyone favorite corporate whor....umm, I mean, charitable organization, Komen. Of course! Let's let them describe this themselves, because quite frankly, I'm at a loss.

"Komen Race for the Cure potties are decorated by teams, groups of friends, school groups or anybody that wants to show the world they are Tinkled Pink to find a cure for breast cancer.

For only $50, you can decorate a port-a-potty to be on display in Vinoy Park on Race day! Display your individual name, business name, or organization on one of the 50 port-a-potties that are brought in for this event. A great gift for the person who has everything, a great way to advertise your business, or just shout out greetings for friends, family, even race opponents!"

Really, stinky Porta Potties For The Cure?Is there nothing that you Komen people won't do to add money to your coffers? Oh wait, don't answer that, because here we have this:

6. Yes, a Pink Porta-Potty For The Cure, by Karin Langer

We'll just let this one speak for itself.

7. Breast Cancer CDs - yes, you read that right

Let's hear the explanation for THIS little gem:

"When the double CD is open, it shows the place for two CDs, but one is missing (representing a breast lost to cancer) and another, painted in a color to represent the healthy one...."

Gee, thanks. There's a gaping black abyss to represent a woman who's lost her breast, in contrast with perky and happy over on the right. Am I the only one who sees this as a problem??

8. One-breasted mannequins

Okay, when I found this early on, I thought that this would be THE winner, because it's so damn offensive, especially when you read the explanation for it:

"This effective breast cancer awareness campaign....saw a one-breasted mannequin placed at lingerie and swimwear boutique, Bare Essentials. This is a very creative, high impact campaign in the fight against breast cancer.....(where) seeing a mannequin with one breast, which represents a post-mastectomy female, would hammer the message home that not having their breasts examined regularly can lead to tragic consequences."

Tragic? TRAGIC?? So now those of us with The Cancer are being held up as a dire warning of (cue scary music) what could happen to you......so beware!

Who comes up with this shit? The women I know with BC are not "tragic" in any way - they wear their scars proudly, as I do, they're bold and fearless, and they have awesome fucking boobs. So fuck off, you one-breasted mannequin you, and go take your "tragic consequences" elsewhere.

Umm, okay, methinks maybe Miss Tasha should go enjoy one of those cancer-causing alcoholic beverages before she continues.

Plenty more to come though, kids! Needless to say, there are MANY entries for the Hall of WTF.....