Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Back to my roots

Well, after that foray into the world of imparting useful information for the greater good, I’m pleased to report that I am returning back to my roots, to that for which I’m known and renowned the world over (hello, alert reader in Saudi Arabia!). Yes, the hard-hitting triathlon and general fitness wisdom that people have come to expect from me. Not just expect, but anticipate with fervor, and wait for impatiently. I feel confident in saying that with today’s blog post, you will not be disappointed.

So I contacted Dougger, the captain of my erstwhile hockey team The Chiefs, and told him that I had been struck with the most brilliant of ideas: that I wanted to change the name on one of my jerseys to THE RACK. The question was, should I change WHO OWNS, or BNCRUSHER? WHO OWNS I liked because it prompted a lot of confusion and puzzlement, and separated the wheat from the chaff, in that I could judge intelligence and hockey knowledge by seeing who’d figure out the whole “Who OWNS the Chiefs?” schtick from the movie Slapshot…..and who didn’t. Call it my own more relevant version of those eHarmony quizzes that try to determine who you’re compatible with.

But BNCRUSHER, well, that speaks for itself, and has been great for striking fear into the hearts of the guys I play against. Sure, they’d look at the lipstick and the ponytail and think puh, what the hell is this? But then they’d see the name and suddenly everything would be different and….okay, that’s a lie. I mean, it’s true they’d underestimate me, but it wasn’t the name but rather the fact that I’d take my stick and cross-check them without hesitation, or there were the couple of times I threatened guys with bodily harm – deservedly so! – that might have sealed my reputation. So the name was kind of redundant. Plus, Doug *did* point out that to go with the new look, I might as well embrace a new persona too – so, goodbye BNCRUSHER, hello THE RACK. I can hardly wait. Am I the only one who sees a hell of a lot of opportunity for fun with this? Sure, my team and a lot of the guys I know at Johnny’s will get the inside joke, but woe to those who assume I’m just some fake-boobaged bimbo trying to snare guys with a provocative name. I mean really, bimbo indeed.


RP said...

What's the prob w/a little bimbo on the ice?? ;-)

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t-odd said...

"De Hair. It make me sick."

"Trade me right fucking now."

I love that movie. I think I'll watch it on my trainer ride today.

I LOVE "The Rack."

Anonymous said...

Oh BoneCrusher why oh why? You do know this means you'll have to try to get up on skates again and actually um....skate! Do your pants still fit? I might have a pair you can have their mens large. I bet you thanking God the elbow, shoulder and shin guards have elastic, if you know what I mean. I feel sorry for the elastic, really sorry. I can't wait to see you next fall on the ice, trying to stick handle with those things hanging off and in the way. Did you ever think about if the puck gets into your skates, you'll never be able to see it......
This is already lookin like a car wreck on the Stevenson but this time your the one hitting someone because your distracted by those things.

Deborah said...

Can't wait for your first time back on the ice!