Monday, December 21, 2009

Life’s little triumphs

I blithely ignored the dire warnings on the news, about how stores were running out of Christmas tree lights for whatever reason – Santa’s elves were especially lazy this year or something and didn’t make enough. Whatever. Because I knew that in my infinite wisdom, in years past I’ve taken the lights off the tree, bundled them up oh-so-carefully, and put them in a box labeled “Christmas stuff” which was then safely stored away. Piece of cake.

So naturally for the last few days after liberating my tree from its bucket-o-ice, I’ve been hitting all the stores looking for some simple white lights. Grocery stores, drugstores, you name it. For some reason, the only thing they have are these really expensive, ugly LED lights which look like small tubers. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t those the super-long-lasting eco-friendly lights? And since Christmas lights in general last for about 600 years or until someone oafishly breaks a single light (or, ahem, misplaces all the lights), just how long do we want these things to last exactly? I know LED is the Big New Thing, but really, that makes about as much sense as an LED oven light.

Anyway, today I hit another grocery store, then went to Home Depot, where sure enough, nothing but icicle lights and lights-on-a-stick. Dejected, disheartened, I’m about to make my way out of the store, you see what I see? A stray box of white lights! Right there, as if they were placed before me by the hand of God himself! Victory!! Sure, they’re mini-lights, and there’s just one box, but hell, that’s good enough. As usual, I raise my arms up while making the “V” for victory sign, as I make my way jauntily and triumphantly to the register. On the way there, I decide to ask a store clerk about the light thing, in case I’m missing some big other special section of the store.

Me: Excuse me, but do you have any Christmas lights other than what’s over there?
Home Depot Guy, shaking his head sadly: No, we’re all out, but rumor has it the Home Depot on North Ave. has some, and then there’s the...
Me: Ha, no need! See? I found this last little rogue box of lights!
HDG, joyfully: Oh, that’s great – a stray box! If that’s not a Christmas miracle, I don’t know what is!
Me, beaming: Exactly!

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock......oh, sorry, got caught up in the moment there.

In any case, I make my way home, determined to get that damn tree decorated already once and for all. I’ve dragged a box of decorations up from the basement – not my full complement of insanely fragile ornaments, but a secondary box. I figure I’ll see how the two galoots manage the tree this year before putting out everything breakable.

Packed away in this box I find....another box. Which I open, to discover a whole bunch of new ornaments I bought last year at the Christkindlmarket downtown, and which I never used. I have a vague recollection of this, though I don’t remember what I bought specifically.

But I think it’s instructive to look at this and see where my brain was last year, after that bike crash, 7 weeks of daily radiation, heavy psychotropic drugs, etc. Because the first few things I unwrap are reasonable enough: brightly colored balls, a snowman, an elf on a sleigh. A glass slipper, hmm, okay. Then....a demented-looking clown? And......a potato?? Hmm. I wonder if there are any other tests they can run on my brain?


Anonymous said...

OMG! A potato? Your brain must be fried! :-) Also GF, you should know who this is already.

the infertile breeder said...

No brain tumor AND a potato ornament?! Fuckin' A.. life is good. Kisses!