Thursday, May 13, 2010
A note to the IRS
Alert Reader George from Canada – who, I should note, is way funnier than I ever am in my own blog postings – noted the following in a comment on my last post:
“Careful, the IRS is likely to accuse you of running a farm or bird sanctuary. They will be hard pressed to believe that a place such as yours is not a huge draw for bird watchers and gardening enthusiasts. They will be turning your place upside down looking for the gift shop!”
And so I would like to take this opportunity to let the IRS know an incontrovertible fact, which is that when I speak of, for example, “selling tomatoes”, I am doing so purely in a metaphorical manner. You see, according to Sumatran folklore, tomatoes are considered to be the fruit that symbolizes brilliance and wisdom, and so when I speak of “tomatoes,” I’m actually talking about the gems of wisdom that I’m imparting to my reader(s).
Because of course I also mean “selling” in the fashion of “Hey, let’s sell them on this schlocktastic idea!”, i.e. to convince someone of something that YOU know to be true, but the stubborn among us don’t. Hence, we can see how my “selling tomatoes” is really just a catchphrase I use when I actually mean “Imparting another nugget of the sheer brilliance that I as a Triathlon Goddess am known for- even if I have to force it down your throats, you being the little people.”
Just wanted to make sure there wasn’t any confusion on that.