Thursday, May 13, 2010

A note to Starbucks

Dear Starbucks:

It has not gone unnoticed by myself and The Kone that you as a corporate entity have not only raised the price of my (Kona's) beloved petite scone, but also that you’re now advertising them to within an inch of their lives. Placards! Special deals! What the hell! This means that the chances that I might make my (ahem!) daily trip to Starbucks and be confronted with the tragedy of a No Scone Dilemma are drastically increased, thanks to your selfishness. This morning I was lucky in that Most Excellent Starbucksian Holly had set aside a scone for me, in a bag with my name on it, and so disaster was averted. And yet. What do we do on that inevitable day when someone new or unfamiliar with the needs of The Kone is working there – and there’s no attempt at a scone set-aside? What then?? I ask you…..WHAT THEN?

This is why I have a modest proposal, which is this: that you turn this situation around before it erupts into a huge scandal after I create a Facebook group entitled “Give Kone His Scone!”, and just redo all your marketing to start advertising what you’re now calling the Kone Scone. Since Kona is appropriately adorable, you can use his pictures in ads, mention the fact that the petite scone is the perfect-sized treat for a dog, and how dogs and humans can create a bonding experience by sharing a petite scone over coffee every morning. And in return for this brilliant idea, all I ask is that Kona be granted his petite scone every morning in perpetuity, guaranteed. Because it breaks my heart to see his puzzled little face when I try to give him a substitute donut or something, and really, we just can’t have that.

Thank you in advance.

Miss Tasha and The Kone

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