Thursday, October 7, 2010

The bar is being set pretty high, my friends

I had no idea. I mean, I know it sounds incredibly naïve to say that, but really, I didn’t. Oh sure, I knew things had gotten a bit crazy and out of control, had degenerated a bit as it were, but I also figured that some semblance of reason would remain. We’re all rational people after all, right? Able to resist a free-for-all orgy of excess, able to hew to a more civilized society?

Apparently not.

Because I have seen the Pinkishness, and it is us. And I don’t mean this in a good way.

* * * * * *

So it started yesterday, when I met BCCF Cori downtown for her appointment at Dr. Fine’s office. Our Plastic Surgeon to the Stars was off sculpting the perfect boobages for someone else, so we met with Dr. Schierle as a follow-up to Cori’s last surgery. And not only was Dr. Schierle funny and warm, laughing at jokes I’m sure he’s heard a million times about adjustable boobages and the need for an iPhone app so that the girls can be automatically adjusted, but……well…….let’s just say this. How often do YOU go to the doctor and get awesome parting gifts?

So our first contender for the Pinkapalooza Contest is……the Pink Glowstick For The Cure, from the plastic surgeon’s office! Yes, perhaps not the most outrageous thing out there, but I like it, and it’s my contest, so sue me.

* * * * * *

Now this is where things start to get tricky. Because after announcing my little contest, suddenly I was inundated with all sorts of items For The Cure. Not only was I astounded by the sheer variety of foods that I could add to my All Things Pink diet, the one that’s sure to cure me before the month is out, but it soon became clear that I could buy nothing but pink in all aspects of my life and still live a pretty normal existence.

To wit: pink ribbon bagels For The Cure (Panera), toilet paper For The Cure, cake and cupcakes For The Cure, Edy’s ice cream For The Cure. Tic Tacs! Batteries! Playing cards! Tortilla chips! Mushrooms in pink Styrofoam packaging! Perfume! Purses! Dansko clogs! Boob lube!

And against that background, I hear from Cori, who’s out shopping and letting me know about pink stuff left and right, when suddenly she spies…..gum For The Cure. Not just any old gum either – white gum with pink ribbons on each piece, and best of all, the package proudly proclaims “your purchase can save lives!”

Cori: I’m buying a lot of gum – that means I’m saving lives!

Me, sulking: How come *I* don’t see this gum around? I’m not saving anyone!

Cori: Nope, not like me. Here we go, another life saved. They should make a Lifetime movie about me.

Me: Yeah, like the one about the guy who discovered Herceptin!

Cori: Exactly! I’m pretty much just like him. Okay, off to save more lives!

I feel so inadequate in comparison.

Next up: The frontrunners thus far. Suffice it to say, I may need to give out more than one hat. Alert Readers with entries, please check back……

No comments: