Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Pinkapalooza Project

So my little blog that’s sweeping the nation has been inundated with pictures of Pinkishness from every corner of the globe. Pinktober literally has it all. Cheerleaders! Snack foods! Sugary beverages! Office supplies! Did I mention the cheerleaders??? Oh yeah, I think I did.

But that’s not what today is about. Nope. Today, we start putting forth images of some of the billions of items of pink crap – I mean, Inspiring Messages of Hope – that are out there in Pinktober, and hopefully not at any other time of year. Well, except for some of them, which are too cute for words, and which I want, desperately (have I mentioned that I’m so not above being bribed? I think I have.). So to sum it up, we have three categories for the Pinkapalooza contest.

The Hall of Fame: the cute Pinkishness stuff that any sane person would want to add to their collection

The Hall of Shame: the stuff that’s so insulting that it calls for an outraged letter or two, or just a blog-based smear campaign

The Hall of WTF: the stuff that’s so bizarre and inexplicable that the people who came up with it must have been on very heavy psychotropic medication, for years

We’ve already had some of the entrants on here – who can forget the Glowsticks, generously doled out by Dr. Fine’s office, aka the Plastic Surgeons to the Stars? And then there was the Delta Flight Attendant Horror, burpling elbow flesh and all. So those won’t be repeated here, but certainly, they’re still in the running. Right now we’re focusing on new entrants.

And so, without further ado, and in no particular order, we start with the latest Hall of Fame entrants:

1. Turtles for the Cure, by Jennifer P.

Imagine my delight and surprise when I received the following in the mail one day:

Yes, chocolatey-caramely-nutty goodness, also known as Turtles! And even better, festooned with those cheerful pink ribbons. Hell, I don’t care what they festoon it with – it’s chocolate. Sent by my dear friend Jennifer Pick, a college roommate who paints the most amazing artwork that will get its own blog post soon. But in the meantime, it can be said about Jennifer that she understands the concept of “Tasha likes free stuff.”

2. Harmoneeeeeeeeeeee, by Alert Reader Jen H-S

Of course, my first thought upon seeing this was to ask, WTH? Is this a cartoon character? What the heck exactly is a Harmonee?

Then I learned the following:

Every year since 2001, Chevron has presented a Special Edition Chevron Car to raise awareness about finding a cure for breast cancer. This year, Chevron is proud to introduce Harmonee, the 10th edition in a long line of Special Edition Chevron Car designed to raise awareness about finding a cure for breast cancer. Harmonee reminds us that a cheerful nature and willingness to help can go a long way to help support those fighting against breast cancer.

Chevron and your local dealer are proud to contribute all net proceeds from the sale of this special edition toy car to promote the early detection of breast cancer. The folks at Chevron thank you for your purchase of Harmonee.

And then the only thought in my head was this: WANT. Especially since the cheerfulness of little Harmoneeee will give me, the Cancerous, all kind of Hope in my fight against BC. Just like a shiny Mylar balloon, squeaking away, so too will Harmonee spur me to fight on. Courage.

3. Liverwurst for the Cure, also by Jen H-S

Fountain Hills, AZ is apparently ground zero for all sorts of Pinkishness, the kinds of things that those of us here in the Midwest aren’t privy to. I guess the stores here are anti-Cure or something, because *I* sure don’t see anything like this at MY deli:

What’s especially touching about this is the juxtaposition of the Boar’s Head For The Cure balloon, by the one for chicken breasts. Brilliant, just brilliant.

4. Real chips For The Cure, Jen H-S

Jen has been a one-woman Pinkishness-seeking-out machine! So we have her to thank for this:

Yes, finally some REAL fucking chips For The Cure! None of that baked crap that’s all healthy and shit. Hey, we have cancer, we’re not nuns here, okay? Give us the damn Fritos and no one will get hurt.

Oh, did I mention that the cancer drugs make us all surly, hence the name FatSurly for Tamoxifen? Just thought I’d mention that, in case anyone had forgotten.

5. Ativan dispenser, by Deanna Doohaluk

At least I *think* it’s Ativan, or some other kind of good drug. Otherwise, what’s the point?

6. Balloons everywhere, by Jen H-S

I really hope I wind up in the hospital for something very minor at some point, maybe an additional adjustment to the Boobages, just so that there’s the opportunity for someone to bring me one of these:

Shiny happy Mylar balloons, in the shape of a pink ribbon no less! What could be more cheerful and hopeful? Not much I tell you, not much….

7. The pink face huggie

I can only say one thing about this: WANT!

8. The White House

Apparently the Obamas are For The Cure – I’m sure that’s because they’re Democrats. I don’t recall the Bush White House doing anything like this, hmm….??

9. Lourdes

Hey, I'm no fool - you think I'm going to be making snarky comments about the People upstairs? When I already have cancer and stuff? Uh uh....

10. Pink Post-its

I LOVE these! In fact, I truly think the lack of Pinkishness Post-its in every household is one of the key reasons that we’re thus far not even the tiniest bit close to a cure. People forget about it! But if they had these, well, imagine the possibilities. “Note to self: Discover Cure Today!” See what a difference that could make?

11. Yoplait lids by TigerChik

You’ve gotta admire the dedication to licking those yucky little lids and throwing their sticky little selves into an envelope for some prison inmate on work release to open. Anything For The Cure though, right?

12. Kona for the Cure

Obviously I’ve been the one slacking off here. Off to buy a doggy coat AND a pink ribbon collar!

13. Pink food tray, by Arlyn

Again, want! How much more festive can one be than serving guests from a pink ribbon food tray?? I don’t know what the heck one would use these for, for what occasion, but maybe they’re all purpose, all the time. Christmas, Easter, post-mastectomy, you name it!

14. AndyBoy produce, by Randymar

I love this. Not only do we have the guys on Slowtwitch taking pictures of produce, but look at that logo! AndyBoy looks a little “special”, does he not? Like one of the Little Rascals, i.e. the one who got locked up in the attic and kept away from sharp objects? Most excellent….

15. Boobages tea cozies, by Mojozenmaster

Not sure if these are meant to keep the Boobages all snuggly and warm, or if they’re actually for tea. But in either case I say, tally ho!

* * * * * * * * *

There’s much much more, kids, but we’ll leave it here for now. Next up we’ll have the really interesting stuff, i.e. things that go into either the Hall of Shame or Hall of WTF category. Not to be missed……


RP said...

OMG!! Give JHS and Mojo the pink hats already. I'm like lying on the floor here. I can't believe the shit that is out there for Pinktober. Gotta love the AZ flair sent in by Jen. :-)

huebnerd said...

Don't show those tea cozies to Our Lady of Lourdes.

Ultragrrl said...

I have been amazed at what I've found. I think the Boar's Head is my favorite but the tiny pink car rocks too. I'm finally headed to that gas station tomorrow. Hopefully they have some.

The Pink Your Drink by Chambord is a good one too.