Thursday, April 29, 2010

Letters, we get letters....

Sometimes, as Kona and I are combing through our reams of fan mail, invitations to soirees, gifts, telegrams, awards and accolades, we come across a missive or comment that deserves extra attention.

And so, without further ado, a question from Faithful Reader Missy:

“Miss Tasha, I was explaining to my husband Steve how the Great and Wonderful Tasha-with-The-Boobages was having all these problems with Turbotax, how gremlins had infiltrated your computer or something like that and made sure that none of your tax programs worked. And he’s a guy, so he couldn’t quite figure out how that could be, mumbled something about how TurboTax is supposed to let you open previous years’ files no matter what. So is he being clueless, or just being a guy? Ha, but I repeat myself!”

Gentle readers, this is a question I get quite a bit, in various forms. Namely – “But that’s not what’s supposed to happen! Why isn’t it working for you?” Because you see, for everyone else, aka those who inhabit NormalWorld instead of TashaLand, it’s true. Everything works as planned, at least for the most part. Those reliable easy-to-use Macs? Yep, those work just fine – they don’t wind up with a dying hard drive inside of 14 months. iPods? Same. They don’t generally freeze up and refuse to work, NOR do they play Dancing Queen over and over even though you keep deleting the damn song.

And so it is with TurboTax. I’m sure that it’s supposed to work such that you can indeed open previous years’ returns with ease and aplomb. You forget who you’re dealing with here though. Not only does technology hate me, but let’s recall that the IRS has now apparently lost my returns for 2 years (2004 and 2006), and they’re jerking me around for 2003, even as we have multinational corporations paying not one single dime in taxes. Is this a beautiful country or what?

They don’t call me Schleprock for nothing, kids.

And a comment from Astute Reader Kim:

“You my friend are so courageous. Thank you for taking one for the team, you have saved your thirteens of readers from the artery clogging sampling of KFC's newest grease bomb. Komen would be so proud.”

Indeed. I am expecting the call from Komen any day now, informing me of my impending sponsorship by their organization. Or the grant they’re surely planning on giving me. Oh, wait a minute! Damn, I forgot! They don’t actually do anything with their millions* for actual individuals. They’re still working on making people aware of BC. You know, breast cancer – the happy shiny smiley pinkish cureable “a pink gift in disguise!” kind of cancer! Yay! Pass that fried chicken! Maybe I’ll jus’ eat mah chicken while I’m admirin’ them Jingle Jugs, given to me by my still-secret elf last Christmas. Jingle Jugs, also allied with Komen. Yep, sometimes even I can’t make this shit up.

The Jingle Jugs, by the way, will be my fantabulous door prize at the Coming Out/Bring Your Boobs Par-tay I’m having in June. This grand prize will go to the one lucky winner who comes the closest to guessing just HOW many bills/letters/notices/etc. Miss Tasha has received from medical providers or insurance over the course of her “cancer journey.” Start counting now, folks.

*Though I read just today that they’ve actually raised $1.2 billion over the years – WTF, $1.2 billion and you don’t have a fucking cure yet? What the hell are you people doing, Scrooge McDucking your way through acres of cash?

And finally, from my mom:

“What’s going on with your taxes? And how about your driver’s license?”

Sigh. This is the problem when you’ve reached the level of fame and fortune…..well, fame at least…that I have. Your life is an open book. I can’t keep anything a secret anymore – okay, so that might be because I write about everything here in the blog, but I don’t think that’s a huge factor. Incidental at best. But now that my mom (hi mom!) has discovered my blog, and figured out how to read it even on her ancient computer, I’m doomed. Unless I start writing a totally different kind of blog about the perfection that is my life. Hmm……

Next up: The unveiling of my new blog,!

1 comment:

RP said...

HA! Your mom found you blog! Total awesomeness! :-))