Sunday, April 25, 2010
My skilz will not be denied
My final full day in Cali, I decide to head down to the town of Seal Beach, to actually SEE the beach and ocean a little bit before I leave. Ah, if only I had thought to bring a parka! No one’s actually on the beach, of course, but the few people wandering around town actually do have scarves and hats on, in addition to those bulky coats. To my untrained eye……yeah, I’d say it’s going to snow.
That night, I’m watching the news, and of course the first item is the weather. But unlike the last time I was here, when it was all about the torrential rain hitting LA and people-on-the-street were given identifiers of either “likes the rain” or “doesn’t like the rain”, this time it’s “doesn’t mind the cold” or “ready for spring.” I’m just glad to see that my mad weather skilz inspire that kind of consistency.
What’s great about the local news though is the alarm with which they report the weather: “Extreme Cold Snap!” “Deep Freeze continues, 20 degrees below normal!” “Hang on for one more night of this bitter cold!” And no, I’m not making this up. Of course, I’m leaving the next day, after which – our newscasters breathlessly report – “the big warm-up is on the way!” Coincidence? I think not……
And have no fear, my thirteens of readers, I will be sure to warn you of any impending travel plans so that you can make the necessary preparations: crop covers, arm and leg warmers at the ready, postponing of picnics, etc. That’s me, always trying to be helpful.
Of course, I suppose one can’t really take seriously a newscast that has a story about the big computer virus that swept the nation that day – and as part of their “special report”, has their reporter explaining the virus by comparing it to a malfunctioning car alarm, as he’s standing next to said car in a garage. And then wraps yellow caution tape all around that car.
I still have no idea what an alarm-triggered car wrapped in yellow caution tape has to do with a computer virus – but I would like to know how that conversation went.
Dweeb tv story researcher: So, this story about the massive computer virus related to McAffee, what I think we should do is…..
Brash young tv reporter: Yeah, I’ve got it! So to put it in terms our viewers understand, I’ll tell them that the virus is like how annoying it is when….your car alarm goes off! Yeah, that’s it!
DTSR: But that doesn’t make sens….
BYTR: And THEN, to really bring the point home, I’ll take this…….yellow caution tape, and flamboyantly wrap it around the entire car!
DTSR: But what does that have to do with anyt…
BYTR: AND I’ll punctuate the point by gesticulating wildly and speaking dramatically, and then maybe I’ll somehow work the name Toyota into the whole thing, since I’ll be standing next to a car, and then we can call this segment the “Virus of Runaway Death!” or something like that!
DTSR: What?? What the hell are you talk…..
Out-of-touch Head Honcho, pounding table with fist: I like it! I like the way you think! Let’s get on it! Research, find that yellow caution tape, that’s key!
DTSR, resigned: Yes sir…..