Being Ryan Perrone

This shark and cold water obsession must stop. Clearly these “athletes” with whom I’ll be traveling do not understand the seriousness of these types of endeavors, nor do they understand the purpose of a blog, which is obviously to bring important information to the masses. I suppose it is up to me to show these benighted souls the way, through my superior blogging talent. Lead by example, Ryan. Show, don’t tell.

Training for Alcatraz, Day 101

Woke up at precisely 4:52:06, 3 seconds earlier than yesterday, thus meeting/exceeding key performance indicators in the “sleep quadrant” of my spreadsheet, as I shave off valuable seconds. Urinated 4.0 oz of liquid. Quick analysis showed blood lipid chemistry to be adequate; perhaps adding one more spoon of wheat germ to morning protein shake will lower cholesterol level one point. Try this.

Critical future success factor: drainage of all unnecessary bodily fluids, must carry around only what is necessary for optimal performance in race. Girlfriend must travel with me.

Today’s workout: run exactly 9.3 miles at 7:34:02 pace. Route plotted out in excruciating detail with Garmin GPS. After uploading yesterday’s workout results to computer, noticed that run distance was off by .000004 mile. Recalibrated Garmin to correct this egregious error. Still shook up by incident.

After doing daily VO2max and lactate threshold tests, will then go for brief 323 mile bike ride. Inflated wheels last night as per formula in Master Spreadsheet, to precisely 101 PSI, which will yield the perfect tire pressure this morning when calculated using temperature gradient, wind effect, latitude and longitude. As swim in SF Bay is statistically projected to be 53.2 degrees next June 24, post-bike ride today I will go sit in specially constructed half-barrel filled with 62 degree water for 13.2 minutes. Will then fulfill nutrition plan via consumption of 2 dry chicken breasts and glass of Tang.

Have noticed that my traveling companions are again posting factually inaccurate information and things that they are apparently just making up, in addition to lighthearted and smartass commentary. Totally missing point of blog. Must go set them straight with my superior wisdom. People want cold, hard facts, not banter ad nauseum. There are newspapers for that sort of thing. I shake my head, wearily.