Colleen: Does this new bathing suit make me look like a sausage casing?
Tasha: Umm, no, you’d have to have some body fat for that to happen. Besides, I believe the term “sausage casing” is trademarked so that it can only apply to wetsuit appearance.
Colleen: I don’t have that problem in wetsuits.
Tasha: Bitch.
Colleen: (evil laugh)
Tasha: (gingerly dipping one toe in swimming pool) AYEEEEEE! AAyyy…c….cc...ccccc...co..co..col.......eeeeeeee…….eeeeeeeee (whimpering helplessly). Oh my GOD, WHAT is their problem, did someone forget to pay the heating bill?? Are they insane?? I think my toe is frozen! Chilblains! Gout is setting in! That water must be 54 degrees – I didn’t promise them homegrown cabbages from my garden this summer as payment just so that I could suffer through THIS kind of mistreatment! Where’s my lawyer?! Chu-huck, oh YOO HOO…..Chu...hu….
Colleen: (interrupting) The water is 82 degrees.
(silence)
Tasha: (stony, mutinous look) That’s impossible. Look, it’s practically icing over.
Colleen: No, really, the thermometer is over there, see? (jumps merrily in and swims off)
Tasha: Shit. I am so screwed.
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