Rent a Sherpa?

Oh, I know, I’m sure most people assume I already have my own little cabana boy Giorgio ready to cater to my every whim, even when I go running, but alas, I have thus far been unable to find someone worthy of my standards.
So in the meantime, I find myself dealing with the “crunch…crunch” of my cheez doodles that I’ve stuffed into the little pocket in the back of my running or biking jersey. And the Mountain Dew, especially when I have it in one of those MegaGinormous Big Gulp containers, tends to slosh and spill.
Don’t even get me started on running out of ketchup at my mile 2 hot dog break.

So if you could let me know when you go running, I’ll just tag along, 10 paces behind you.

Speaking of those all important carb-loaded snacks, please note that I mentioned the generic cheez doodles, NOT the so-called “O-Ke-Doke Puffed Cheezlets”, as would be the case if it hadn’t been FOUR, count ‘em FOUR days, 15 hours, and 20 minutes since I’ve written to the Jays Foods people, giving them first dibs at becoming our sponsor in the “cheesy crunchy” category. Most people would LEAP at that chance, but Jays? Noooooooooo. I’m not sure if they’re playing coy and hard to get, or just have no idea what kind of ground-floor opportunity they’re passing up, but they and the SwedishFish people are on the verge of being cut off. Oh sure, I might try a boycott or guerrilla writing campaign first, but otherwise, our love affair is through, Jays Foods.

Besides, it’s more entertaining to go with your bitter archrivals Lays, for example, so that instead of a t-shirt that says “Fueled by Jays,” I can get one that says “This body got Lay’d. Ask me how!”